Germination is a process of growth – and expansion of pollen tubes in pursuit of an egg cell before fertilization. In terms of Queerness, we grow when we allow ourselves to exist safely in our sexualities without modification of the way we speak, act, and behave in the world. This process can feel dirty, wrong, and unwelcoming at first. But amidst this battle in bloom we can find abundance.
Content warning: mentions of sexual assault, drug abuse, racialized violence and homophobia. All names have been changed for the sake of anonymity.
While you read, listen to our collectively curated playlist of planted seeds/songs at your leisure!
Anthony Travis — Junior — Black
Top 3 Songs/Seeds
“In The Air,” by Destin Conrad
“Bi Fren,” by Omar Apollo
“Be Yourself,” by Frank Ocean
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
How does your Queerness (or Queer identity) inform your other social identities (thinking along the lines of race, ethnicity, nationality, body size, gender, sex, spiritual affiliation, religion, class, physical ability, etc.)?
I think it’s more so the other way around. My Queerness doesn’t really bleed into anything. Being Black and Queer, you have these competing stereotypes and social pressures. And being bisexual … you can’t get a break. You have to be very multifaceted — you can’t be the same type of person ‘round everybody. In the past I’ve felt pressure to give everybody access to the same part of me. But I’m not gonna talk to a straight person the same way I talk to a gay person …
I think in Queer spaces, there’s tension between minorities and the upper class white gays. It’s two completely different cultures, and sometimes they bleed with each other. Body size is another one too, when you talk to niggas … I’m not the most fit person and some people be obsessed with how you look.
Do you think there’s truly a lack of out Queer men of Color on campus and in the world? If yes, why?
On campus, yes, but that’s just because there’s not that many people of Color here in general. Also I came here during (COVID-19), so I know there’s other Queer people in spaces I’ve not been in. I don’t believe in the world there’s a lack (of out Queer men of Color), I think it’s all about visibility, just about what people choose to see or accept. People want to ignore things or only see homosexuality in a different way. One of the reasons now people are able to express themselves is ‘cause of advancements in (how we view) sexuality. A lot about how current notions of sexuality informed by colonialism. In my Queer studies course on the history of sexuality we talked about how current definitions of homosexuality were not defined til the late 1900s. Sexuality used to not be based on sex but more so economic status. In some ancient cultures people played more dominant or submissive roles based on the amount of land they had.
What racialized scripts (or stereotypes) have you witnessed, encountered or enacted in Queer, relational life? (How do Queer scripts or stereotypes interact with your familial relationships? How do racial stereotypes interact with your romantic or sexual relationships?)
I’ve definitely experienced racial stereotypes through and through. The first thing that came to mind was one time in high school we were all practicing to do a dance for homecoming. Everyone was playing around and trying to rush me while I was teaching the choreography. I basically said, “If people had been doing what they’re supposed to we wouldn’t have these problems.” And when I said that people were acting like a shot, a bunch of people. They’re talking amongst them about how mean I was. I definitely feel like especially because of my size I’m seen as more aggressive.
(In terms of romantic or sexual relationships), I’ve never sought out relations from white people — seeing the way they interact with me is kind of weird … fetishization all day, every day, BBC this, BBC that, pushing like a dominant, aggressive role on me again. In Ann Arbor, at least in my experience, part of the reason I haven’t been able to interact with Queer people as much is because of the way I grew up, whether that’s class or race. So when I see other Black people or interact with other Queer men of Color, we usually disconnect in one of those areas. Even though I have really good, mature friends, I still see those hints of holding on a tad bit to homophobia or biphobia. People can be close to you and still subconsciously homophobic.
My family has a lot of learning to do but is very open to it. I’ve never been not accepted. I see the immaturity in their understanding of Queerness and it makes me look at them like, “How are they viewing me?” I’m definitely solid in my identity, but I still have to learn how to be fully confident all the time.
How does your perception of masculinity mold the way you act, speak and present yourself? In what ways does this perception inform your same-sex relationships and experiences?
There used to be a lot more pressure. Especially when we were growing up. Even now is a different time. When we grew up, the second you walked into a space you were analyzed on how masculine you were.
Straight people talk very monotone so you have to remove inflection. I very early on knew how to code switch and knew how to do it right. Sometimes I overthink the way I talk. I tend to be more masculine than my partners, but I don’t really go into relationships looking for a certain level of masculinity. Being bisexual I don’t really care. I do, in relationships with women though … they expect a certain level of masculinity with me. With the women I’ve been with, it’s probably more me thinking they do. I enjoy homosexual relationships more than heterosexual relationships because there’s less pressure. It might be societal pressure, but within my close relationships and local community … in heterosexual relationships there’s a lot more things you’re expected to do and it makes me more anxious.
What does it mean to Queer the body? What somatic (bodily) expectations have collective programming, erotic capital and desirability politics imposed upon Queer men (of Color), and how might we transcend these limitations (thinking along the lines of beauty, sexual attractiveness, social attractiveness, physical fitness, social presentation, etc.)?
Going back to societal expectations, men are supposed to wear boring outfits, T-shirts and pants. Queering the body means to adjust the way you dress and admire your body, the things you decide to focus on when you go to the gym, where you get your tattoos and even earrings … Queering is all about being different, all about being you, if you’re not adhering to those straight, heteronormative standards on how your body should look … Sexuality is not political. Race is not political either. It’s ethical.
In Queer media, they usually use physical fitness to categorize you as undesirable. Queering the body means coming to terms with our own ideologies, starting with ourselves and the groups that we’re in. In Queer spaces there’s so much, “Oh their face is ugly but at least they’re not fat.” There’s a lot of analyzing of fitness and not of face. And even with faces, people want slimmer noses, stronger jawlines, boxed faces instead circular.
In what ways has neoliberal capitalism and hegemonic masculinity manifested into Queer culture? How has our current socioeconomic system manufactured hypersexuality within Queer culture? Does the top/bottom binary perpetuate patriarchal modes of relation?
The classism within the culture affects perceptions and ideas of gay people. The idea of the gay best friend who’s a high class, fashionista, has money, drives a nice car (exists) because of the overlap between white supremacy and patriarchy. White Queer people often are not recognizing how they contribute white supremacy. They bring those toxic ideas into the culture.
Classism also creates tension within race. Sites like OnlyFans monetize Queerness, with minority communities more common to come from lower class. In our hypersexualized society, sexuality has become more of an economic thing than it used to be. There’s dominance and submission that we’ve ingrained into gender roles, not always existing. There’s pressure within the community to adhere to those roles. People don’t want a fem top or masc bottom, the fact that we have those labels.
How might Queer men of Color find purpose and meaning in a life of multiple marginalization?
Confidence is key. Confidence is always key. It’s all about learning and listening to yourself. I know I say it and it sounds easy. I just encourage people to start small. Working on reframing the small things you find insecure about yourself. In a month you gon realize that you the finest thing out here. Finding spaces that you truly enjoy and fun stuff on your own. I encourage people to do what you wanna do regardless. Getting comfortable spending time with yourself, then you don’t feel inclined to adjust yourself or go out your way to make people feel more comfortable.
Is homoscarcity a myth? (How can we as Queer men of Color combat this idea of perceived homoscarcity? How can we shift away from viewing Queerness as scarce to abundant?)
First, I think it’s scarce in the local community but not in the extended community, and that’s because of societal pressure and DL culture. If we aren’t encouraging people who aren’t out and open … it’s like if you’re DL or bi, you need to pick one, decide, figure it out. We need to let go of that. Homoscarcity is just about visibility. Queer people have always been here, always will be. It’s just a matter of if you see them or not. We have to be creating healthy community within ourselves. Also education on Queer theory and sexuality in general is important. We need to be embracing each other in the Queer community as minorities. There’s a lot of Queer people we just don’t know about. I’m looking at straight people, (need to be) creating safe spaces to be Queer … not only for people being able to express Queerness in Queer spaces, but they should be able to be Queer all the time. Homophobia is not a Queer people problem, it’s an ethical problem everybody has to work to better.
Gustavo Rodriguez — Senior — Latino/Hispanic
Top 3 Songs/Seeds
“Star Walkin’,” by Lil Nas X
“Agosto,” by Bad Bunny
“Golden Hour,” by JVKE
This interview has been edited and condensed for clarity.
How does your Queerness (or Queer identity) inform your other social identities (thinking along the lines of race, ethnicity, nationality, body sie, gender, sex, spiritual affiliation, religion, class, physical ability, etc.)?
I identify as Mexican more than I would identify as Queer. For me, I don’t think sexuality needs to be identified like that. I don’t know; I never really thought about it in that way. It’s not like I don’t identify as gay, but I feel like I don’t really connect the two. I would say I’m Mexican because I’m Mexican — that’s my race. I’m gay and I’m Mexican, those are two separate things and in their own separate categories and I feel like those labels don’t necessarily mix in. And I don’t know if that’s one of my biases. I express myself as much as I can and there are those societal norms where I try and suppress my femininity but over time have been more open and honest with showing emotions for example. But to me, becoming more open isn’t associated with my sex or sexuality
I don’t think class necessarily affects my sexuality. My sexuality and socioeconomic (status) are two different things that don’t overlap.
How might your perceptions of homoscarcity affect how your view of other Queer men of Color? Does it differ for Queer men of Color within versus outside your race? What about Queer white men? What are your beliefs about how other Queer men of diverse racial demographics view you?
I’ve never really thought about this because obviously I’m not surrounded by a lot of LGBT people who are in those minorities. I would say that if there were more of them it would be more inclusive because they could join the group instead of us thinking there’s hardly any particular racial group. For example, if I were to open up Grindr in my hometown — white people. So if I would find one person of color, I would think, “OK interesting.” But here since there are a lot of them, it doesn’t really accurately showcase how many gays there are in the world. Before I came to college, I never thought about kissing another person of Color because I never thought that I would be in a community with people who are similar to me. In the gay community, people of Color discriminate against others because of the lack of exposure. And this has to do with a lot of internalized biases.
They definitely differ. They differ because I tend to go outside my minority group for dating or hooking up. I definitely know there are more white people who are out and gay in proportion to the minorities.
I wasn’t surrounded by a lot of other gays who were Latino. I haven’t had the chance to see a lot of Hispanic gays. I would say that my standards for them are a lot higher because I know how they are and react and there’s a lot of things to be dealt with. Hispanics are more conservative and traditional compared to other races. So because of that I don’t want to deal with someone who is close-minded, which is why I have higher standards for them. I don’t worry about these things with white people though because I’ve had more exposure and experience with that group. When I think about dating or hooking up with a Mexican or Latino, I’m already thinking about them prior to actually responding.
Recently, I deleted my Grindr profile but I just redownloaded it and made an account again. But I didn’t label myself too much compared to the last time. Before creating a new account, I had Latino on my profile and when I would hit up fit white people, I’d say they’re less inclined to talk to me or make the first move or respond. But now that I don’t have the Latino identifier, I definitely get more responses from these white people. During the times when I have more of a tan or a beard, I feel like I get judged more in a negative way. And I feel like I wouldn’t get these approaches if I was more clean cut or a lighter skin tone.
Does the top/bottom binary perpetuate patriarchal modes of relation?
Yes absolutely. For me personally when I think of bottom I always associate it with power
bottom and I also don’t want to be associated with a bottom because it has a lot of negative
connotations to it. And when people think of bottoms they think of twinks and they think of the most extreme twink. Like Starbucks, thin, a little bit annoying, like that stereotype of the white twink.
I would compare bottoms to females. The stereotype that women should act differently and stay sensitive compared to bottoms also. But with tops, they have to hold a higher standard of masculinity and have a more fragile masculinity than others.
How have the orgiastic affairs of nightlife (sex, drinking and drugs) affected your (Queer) relational life?
I’m definitely more open to having those difficult conversations and interacting more with my group when I am on those substances. It’s just like I don’t have to think about the outcomes or reactions of others to hearing a conversation. I realize that me and everybody else in my community are more alike and at the end of the day are very similar. I think there’s the time and the place to have those types of conversations because it can cause danger by homophobes. But when I’m drinking or I’m high I’m just more honest and transparent. I have these conversations more frequently compared to when I’m sober.
How might Queer men of Color find purpose and meaning in a life of multiple marginalization?
We’re more exposed to situations where it’s unfair and we know the feeling of being othered. Because of this, we are able to notice and sympathize more with other marginalized groups. If you don’t know where to go, you can start with pursuing what you’re passionate about. Because you have special emotions and experiences from being marginalized you can use them to your advantage. Just being happy is very difficult to do for everyone but you should surround yourself with people who you actually want to be around.
Is homoscarcity a myth? (How can we as Queer men of Color combat this idea of perceived homoscarcity? How can we shift away from viewing Queerness as scarce to abundant?)
It’s not a myth. But the reason why it’s there is because people need to understand and come to their terms. Even if they’re thinking about it, they’re part of the LGBT community.
Read Part 4 (Con)fusion and fertilization (aka frutification).
The Homoscarcity Chronicles is divided into five parts. Click the link to view the Introduction, Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, and Part 4.
Former MiC Assistant Editor Hugo Quintana can be reached at hugoq@umich.edu.