Where are you living next year?
Maybe a house. It’s either a house or an apartment – I’m not sure.
What’s the difference between a house and an apartment?
What’s the difference? A house is a lot more action going on. This apartment thing, it’s just a couple people. It’s not as crazy.
You don’t like crazy?
Um, I like crazy, but I don’t like, you know, too crazy.
Yeah, I’m that – I’m too crazy.
From the little I’ve, I’d agree with that. I’d agree with that completely.
Why do you agree with that?
You are crazy. What some would call intense?
What’s intense?
But, I mean, it’s different from what I was saying with the apartment and house. I mean, you’re … you’re just crazy because you’re like, you know, crazy, but it’s not like the house versus the apartment crazy.
I’m very shy, it tends to be a problem in my life.
That, uh, that deserves a snicker, because I don’t think it’s true.
Hungry? Grab a Snicker’s.
That’s okay, so I’m actually allergic.
Are you allergic to apartments?
I’m, uh, no. Not really.
Do you smoke cannabis in these apartments?
No.
Why not?
Why? Because uh, I don’t know. I have asthma so, you know?
What was the first question I asked you?
Uh, about the house or apartment?
Great, now can you tell me who you’re living with next year?
Uh, it could be a variety of people, but probably this kid named Enzo.
This kid? I’m sure he’s glad to know how you refer to him. Do you have friends?
Yeah, you know, I have a couple more than you do, I bet.
I told you, I’m shy – I don’t know many people. I have difficulty confronting or otherwise engaging in conversation with people.
That’s true. But I think, I mean you may be, quote unquote, shy, but I don’t really buy that. I think it’s all an act for you. I don’t really buy your act.
So you’re saying I’m a liar, basically? You’re saying this is all a load of my initials?
Um, your initials?
Yes, my initials are B.S.
Yes, it is a load of B.S.; I’ll stay clean – I don’t want to use any expletives.
Actually, that was my moniker, so that’s my credit. We’re clean here at The Michigan Daily. We’re also clean in our houses. Are you clean at your house?
That’s the part of the crazy. When you’re not crazy in a house or apartment, then you’re not clean.
That doesn’t even make sense, but OK. Do you like posters in your house?
Yeah, I guess.
Do you have any Springsteen posters?
I do not.
My whole room is Springsteen posters.
I know, because you’re obsessed. I’ve heard you talking about this from across the library for hours. You talk loudly. You have what some may deem a man crush on this Bruce guy.
Can you do me a favor and give me some metaphors, some figurative language on the differences between a house and an apartment and do you identify with one more than the other, and why?
Uh, that’s a very philosophical question.
I’m a philosophical dude.
I need a couple of seconds to think about this.
Please, take your time, while I sing to you. Show a little faith, there’s magic in the night; you ain’t a beauty, but hey, you’re all right! And that’s just fine, with me.
OK, that’s enough. I don’t want to hear any more of this, you’re out of key, man! I’m going to go with, I’m a little more like an apartment with some house features. Because the apartment is, like, not as crazy, but a house is, you know, a little crazy. Just crazy enough, like me.
Like me, I’m crazy.
Right, so you’re a house.
So, you’ll be living in a condominium next year, based on this entire premise. Have a nice day.
–Aron is an LSA junior.