Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where the line between journalistic integrity and personal boundaries becomes blurred.
What are your thoughts on the Snowpocalypse?
It’s kind of exciting. I don’t really like snow, but I like when big events happen.
Big events like a bar mitzvah?
Just like, all over the news. Everyone’s freaking out, you know.
So like if somebody dies or is murdered?
Not like that. Just like fun things.
How much do you think we’ll get?
Like a foot, I’m gonna guess.
Do you think that’s enough to cancel classes?
I definitely think so. I feel like walking in a foot of snow is a lot, that’d be very challenging.
What are you going to think about President Mary Sue if she doesn’t cancel?
I only have two classes tomorrow, so I’ll just be like, whatever, but I think she should because it’s kind of ridiculous.
You ever thought of slipping something in her drink to make her do it?
No, I don’t care that much.
Why do you think we haven’t had one in 30 years?
I don’t think it’s ever really been that crazy before, snow-wise.
So, did you hear about all the protesting in Egypt?
No, not really.
You haven’t heard about it?!
No, very minimal.
Well they’re protesting because Mark Whalberg got snubbed out of an Oscar. Did you hear about that? The Egyptians are really upset.
Is this for real? I don’t know like anything.
No, it’s not, I was lying, you caught me.
I was just making sure.
So did you hear the Black Eyed Peas are performing at the Super Bowl?
No, I didn’t.
You didn’t? What do you think about that?
That’s good, they’re pretty current and popular. I like them, so that’s good.
What do you think Fergie’s chances are of a wardrobe malfunction?
It’s probably not gonna happen. I think everyone’s learned from before.
Would you like it if she did?
No, I don’t roll that way.
I’m sure other people would though.
Oh … so you think she’s attractive?
I think she’s pretty.
What do you think her cup size is?
I don’t know, kind of big I feel like.
You think they’re “all natural?”
Yeah, I think so.
What classes are you taking this semester?
I have two psych classes, and then econ and musicology, so it’s pretty good.
What’s that musicology class about?
First we learn about the elements of music, and now we’re going to the history and a lot of classical stuff.
So Mozart, and all that crap?
And Beethoven, yeah.
So dead guy music?
Yes, very, very old.
Do you ever have a musicology class about people who actually matter?! Like Taylor Swift?
They have one on rock, which is a little bit more current, but a lot of them are dead too.
So is the one on rock all about groupies and LSD?
I know that The Beatles are in it, I think Elvis is in there too.
So basically everybody who got drugged up and recorded?
Yeah, basically. Foundations of Rock is what it’s called.
Do you ever make music when you’re drugged up?
No, I play clarinet and piano, but I don’t really get drugged up.
What’s your major?
Brain Behavior and Cognitive Science.
So … you’re thinking about how you’re thinking?
Yeah? What am I thinking right now?
About your interview? I don’t know.
Wrong! I’m thinking about Jimmy Johns, and I’m about to go eat it.
Oooh, Jimmy Johns is good.
— Stephanie is a sophomore in LSA