Hot damn, life is beautiful. With that simple utterance, I begin my first and last column of the year. So, instead of politicking and pussyfooting, I am simply going to share my current life philosophy with you. And if you snicker, sneer or exercise any similarly disdainful reaction, I don’t give a shit. Cause I’m better than you. I know I am.

Paul Wong
Neal Pais

Recovering from that only slightly arrogant little segue, it’s time for today’s lesson: Hedonism (n. Pursuit of or devotion to pleasure). Lesson: You should practice it. The end? I think not; everyday, I wander through the halls of Angell Hall, across the Diag and up and down State Street, awed by the number of tight-asses (I’m actually partial to the term “square”) that seem to inhabit this campus. I can see it in the whites of their eyes.

Now why does Ann Arbor pride itself so much for being a city exceptionally open to progressiveness? That to me is horseshit. Here’s why – University students, faculty and departmental employees comprise a huge chunk of the town population, and I know that more often than not, the majority of the aforementioned parties can be bloody joy killers.

Chances are good that you too are a square. I mean, don’t take it as an insult or anything, but I’m saying that a lot of people here (everywhere) don’t really do all they can to be happy all the time.

People are too busy being stressed out about this damn exam, dressing up for that damn frat party and overall, laboring over the most inconsequential of things. This silly displacement of priorities equates to stress, raised expectations and ultimately, a sacrifice of some degree of happiness. Yet isn’t enduring happiness the goal of human existence?

If so (and I believe it is), then worrying about issues that will eventually die is both sad and absurd.

Okay, so one thing before proceeding – I ain’t no sunny little hippie type, always smiling and whistling and shit. I am normal. People like me. But I am a hedonist – I live for pleasure, and I will do anything to attain the maximum amount of happiness for myself – even if it means doing something society deems as “unwise” or “inappropriate.”

That is what separates me from you. I really don’t care about societal norms and whatnot. I do what makes me feel good, so long as I don’t interfere with someone else’s life.

This brings us to the focal point of the lesson – hedonism and morality. I have two basic mottos that I use in conjunction with one another, one clich

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