Everyone is familiar with the concept of assertiveness: the sweet spot between aggressive and passive communication characterized by direct, respectful conversation. Yet few can accurately gauge just how assertive they actually are. Researchers affiliated with Columbia University conducted a study that found that participants struggled to adequately determine whether or not their communication was perceived as adequately assertive, too assertive or not assertive enough. Of participants categorized as “over-assertive,” 56% believed themselves to be adequately or insufficiently assertive, whereas 57% of “under-assertive” participants thought they were adequately or insufficiently so. The results suggest a substantial proportion of people might not be attuned to how assertive they actually are. Given the importance of assertiveness in our daily lives, it’s imperative we work to address such miscalculations.
Adopting an assertive communication style can be difficult. It requires a certain level of confidence and might not appeal to those who shy away from conflict or don’t want to appear aggressive. However, regardless of how difficult or scary it may be, assertiveness remains an empowering, effective communication skill that everyone should develop.
Most notably, assertiveness allows for effective communication. Its defining characteristics — including positive body language, emotional restraint, clarity and positively-framed comments — all promote healthy, productive dialogue among individuals. Assertion also carries a level of conviction that ultimately makes communication more compelling.
Moreover, assertive communication is useful in a number of contexts, from more social, informal settings to professional environments, like school or work. Being more assertive, for example, can encourage college students to approach a professor or employer. It also increases the likelihood that the given authority figure will be receptive to the student and either grant their request or work to arrange some sort of compromise. When students speak their minds, their thoughts and hopes are put out into the open to be understood and acted upon.
Encouraging and practicing assertiveness also promotes collaboration. Teams thrive on constructive conversation and the exchange of various ideas and opinions. To achieve this, individuals must first feel comfortable enough to share their thoughts — even if they may deviate from the group consensus. Assertiveness helps individuals do just this, in turn helping to create safer, open group environments in which a variety of ideas and perspectives are considered. It can also make it easier for group members to speak up in the event that wrong or immoral behavior takes place. And just as assertiveness encourages individuals to speak up in group settings, it also pushes them to force innovation. To accomplish any sort of meaningful change, people have to first challenge authority figures and existing policies — something that requires at least some level of assertiveness.
Being assertive can also promote individuals’ well-being. It encourages individuals to prioritize their own needs and wants, which leads to higher levels of confidence and self-esteem. One study also linked assertiveness to improved mental health, finding that implementing high school assertiveness training helped reduce students’ depression, stress and anxiety. These findings suggest promoting and developing students’ communication styles can improve mental health among adolescents, specifically.
Suffice it to say, being assertive is important — but learning to adopt the communication style doesn’t have to be hard. It can, and should, be a gradual process, accomplished through a series of small steps. Individuals should first familiarize themselves with successful assertive communication techniques. They should, for example, focus on using “I” statements, consider how their strengths and weaknesses might affect their communication attempts and work on using appropriate body language. When it comes to applying these communication techniques, people should start small. They should be more assertive when writing emails, clearly saying what they want using a strategic structure and one or two personal touches. Try an assertive approach when speaking with a friend or someone you’re comfortable with, for example, before addressing a bigger, more consequential situation. If small steps aren’t working, consider taking more formal steps such as engaging in assertiveness training.
That being said, there are a handful of occasions in which it is not advisable to be assertive. When someone has become hostile or violent, assertiveness is not appropriate. In this case, more assured or forceful behavior might put you at risk and more passive communication might be preferable. Before employing assertive communication techniques, assess the situation and your audience to ensure it is safe to do so, taking note of any signs of dangers within the former or aggression from the latter.
It’s important to recognize the nuance associated with assertiveness, specifically when it comes to cultural differences. Communication generally looks different from culture to culture as each has unique parameters for socially acceptable tones, expressions and body language. There is often overlap, of course, but the differences are still vital in achieving successful communication in diverse environments with equally diverse people. When being assertive, it’s important to be aware of these differences and consider how your cultural background and that of those around you might impact the interaction.
Gender can also impact expression of assertiveness. A Journal of the American Medical Association Network Open study, for example, revealed an “assertiveness gap” between female and male physicians at two Harvard-affiliated hospitals. Compared to their male counterparts, women were less vocal in their larger classes, which could affect their evaluation and even threaten the likelihood of receiving a promotion. Women are not the only individuals more likely to struggle with asserting themselves. Individuals belonging to minority groups may also struggle more with assertiveness for fear of being judged or rejected by those around them. Identity can play a huge role in assertiveness, potentially making it more difficult for some. It’s important to consider this identity element when engaging with others in professional environments and, for instance, assessment policies for physicians.
Assertiveness is vital not only to fostering effective communication and conflict resolution, but also to individual well-being. It encourages mutual respect among involved parties, which helps strengthen relationships and promote fulfillment at the individual level. Assertiveness is especially important for college students since we constantly need to advocate for ourselves and navigate new types of interpersonal relationships. It is a nice tool to have in your back pocket — assuming you’re doing it right. Make sure you are; there’s a difference between being assertive and just plain rude.
Rebecca Warber is an Opinion Columnist who writes about education and culture. She can be reached at rwarber@umich.edu.