Maggie Wiebe/TMD.

As Valentine’s Day weekend comes to an end and everyone’s bouquet of roses slowly starts to wilt, I’ve decided to write another edition of my actual Instagram DMs in the style of Rupi Kaur poems, since these are quite frankly the most “romantic” messages people send me on Instagram.

October 5, 2021

A pet peeve of mine

Is people assuming

I don’t know anything

I open my DMs to read

“I’m originally from Warangal”

“Do you have any idea where it is”

Already fuming

Is this really what he’s using as his pick-up line?

I left this message on “seen”


I already felt like I needed to hurl

But he later followed up with

“You have a lot of qualities I would prefer in my wife/girlfriend/dream girl”

Because a couple of Instagram pictures

And cheesy captions

Are enough to make a man

Picture me


His partner for good.

The following day he sent a couple more messages

“So do you run a restaurant”

Confused at this message, 

I waited for him to follow up

“Your profile says Indian restaurant”

“So are you fond of Indian food”

October 26, 2021

Hyping myself up for MSU hate week

Receiving texts from Spartan friends reading “hope you’re ready to cry”

When a particular message was sent my way reading

Nothing but a simple “Hy”

I couldn’t help but laugh at the spelling

Then I saw the three dots

What more could he have to say?

“I’m from Andhra Indian”

“Sent you msg to build up network at USA”

No way this man is trying to network via Instagram DM

That wasn’t even his last text

As he followed up with

“I’m new here”

“It would be great if we can connect”

November 15, 2021

Just minding my business

Doing me

I open Instagram

To see

“Hi smarani”

I don’t respond

I mean why would I?

Some random guy

Sending me a text

He follows up a couple hours later


“Can we have virtual sex”

I thought how tough 

To really think that would work

Then I see another message

Hours later

“Are you in love”

You’ve got to be kidding me

Then another message

“Do you love me?”

December 5, 2021

Michigan had just been titled 2021 Big Ten Champions

Victorious Instagram graphics being posted left and right

Nothing beats that feeling of school pride and spirit

Nothing can.

Then I swipe to my DMs to see

A random man has swiped up

On the graphic I posted

And asks

“What’s big ten?”

December 24, 2021

Vacationing with my family

Escaping flight delays

I look to my phone

To see a

Random message

“Looks like you already started enjoying holidays”

Not thinking much of it

Just focusing on my family

My parents

My siblings

When another string of messages

Comes through

“Initially I planned there for this holiday season”

“But not happening now”

“Atill trying”

The typo killed me

But again, simply opening the message

More notifications come in

“May be next year only i think”

“No one encourages here for me”

I screenshotted these messages

Sent them to friends

Who were dying of laughter on the floor

Then I get more

“i would like to come”

“i need someone with me to explore”

“so i am waiting for someone to come with me to explore”

MiC Columnist Smarani Komanduri can be reached at