I haven’t had a lot of fun watching movies this year. The world is weird and scary and confusing, and most films seem intent on reminding me of that. Discomfort is integral to art, but lately, it’s the last thing I want to think about.
I’m a scared, confused college kid, and I spent this summer looking for movies that helped me ignore that. I have become obsessed with media that allows my brain to shut off. I love reality TV shows, celebrity interviews, rom-coms — anything that’s trope-y enough to be mind-numbing. Given my newfound obsession, you can imagine my delight when the R-rated and ridiculously cheesy “Red, White & Royal Blue” dropped on Amazon Prime in early August.
“Red, White & Royal Blue” is an adaptation of the novel by the same name — a novel I have read upward of four times. It’s a rom-com set in a slightly alternate reality of modern America. In this America, Ellen Claremont (Uma Thurman, “Pulp Fiction”) is the president of the United States. Her college-aged son Alex Claremont-Diaz (Taylor Zakhar Perez, “The Kissing Booth”) is the darling of the entire nation. He’s ambitious, smart and distractingly attractive. Not that attractiveness means anything — he’s much too focused on his burgeoning political career to look for love.
From the jump, this is an excellent premise for a mind-numbing movie. A love-averse political playboy is pretty much my ideal protagonist. As I sat down for the movie, I already knew my brain was going to be shut off nicely. In my experience, a beautiful and stubborn main character generally forecasts a melodramatic romance. And what’s more escapist than romance? Luckily, “Red, White & Royal Blue” is not just a romance, but an improbable one – allowing for maximum escapism. Alex meets his unlikely love interest at the very start of the film. The premise gets even better when Alex is introduced to his eventual love interest: While attending a royal wedding, he finds himself face to face with the grandson of the queen of England. Prince Henry (Nicholas Galitzine, “Purple Hearts”) is beautiful and deeply royal; his cold exterior and perfect manners immediately clash with Alex’s more fiery sensibilities. It’s a dynamic I am unfortunately obsessed with — and it is extremely fun to watch it play out on screen. Over the course of the wedding, both Alex and Henry become set on upstaging each other. The result is a very public mid-wedding fight. In ridiculous movies, when two attractive people passionately hate each other, that passion generally evolves into romance. “Red, White & Royal Blue” is no different.
In the hope of healing international relations after the altercation, Henry and Alex are pushed into a fake public friendship. Forced to spend time together, they find themselves growing surprisingly close. By the end of the film’s first act, their intense rivalry has miraculously developed into a passionate romance. It only takes a few scenes for these self-proclaimed enemies to start making out in closets. This is highly unrealistic, which is exactly what makes it so fun to watch. By making Alex and Henry initial mortal enemies, “Red White & Royal Blue” forces you to stop thinking critically. You can only enjoy it if you stop wondering about the likelihood of this relationship and instead let the on-screen rom com fantasy world consume you fully.
I did just that. I took a seat, hit play and regained consciousness only when the credits started rolling. I threw out all my concerns about logistics and human nature. I let myself have fun. Of all the movies I’ve watched recently, “Red, White & Royal Blue” wins top prize for its brain-freezing capabilities. The film’s already escapist premise is bolstered by scene after scene of trope-y romantic moments. Alex and Henry make out at official state functions and sneak glances in hotel lobbies. They pine dramatically and fight in the rain and slow dance in a moonlit museum gallery. It’s sappy, ridiculous and highly escapist.
The film refuses to take itself seriously. It’s got a runtime just under two hours, and it feels like 15 minutes. The scenes are stitched together seemingly at random, jumping between tasteful sex scenes and vaguely serious political talks without hesitation. It’s the perfect all-purpose film. I use it for background ambiance, I use it for white noise and sometimes I’ll tune in fully, letting it black my brain out with hot people and ridiculous problems for an indeterminate amount of time.
I’d urge everyone to go watch a movie or read a book that won’t make them a better person. We all deserve a silly movie on occasion. It’s a relief to watch something without intellectualizing it. We so rarely allow things to be purely fun — everything has to have value or serve a higher purpose. “Red, White & Royal Blue” is a rejection of that mindset. It does nothing but follow attractive people around poorly decorated sets. It makes me happy, and sometimes that’s enough.
Daily Arts Writer Lola D’Onofrio can be reached at lolad@umich.edu