In 2015, YouTuber Tyler Oakley collaborated with fellow creator Dan Howell, a decision that would shape the rest of my tween and teenage years. I immediately fell in love with Dan and rapidly consumed tons of content from his channel. It is from here that I subsequently became obsessed with Phil Lester, another YouTuber known in tandem with Dan. I fell deep into the world of Dan and Phil — the Phandom, as it was called, with fans calling themselves “Phans” or “Phannies” — and it’s a community I still find solace in today.
Dan and Phil, a YouTube duo who have been on the platform since 2009 and 2006 respectively, completely rewrote the way I think about long-lasting friendship. Their relationship gave birth to one of the most intense online communities I have ever been a part of. Their deep connection with one another laid the groundwork for my understanding of love through perseverance.
The story of Dan and Phil, as best as we know it from an outside perspective, goes like this: The pair formed a friendship online, met up in 2009 and were living together by 2011. They began to appear in one another’s videos and became known largely in association with one another. They launched their joint gaming channel, wrote two books and went on two tours all while accumulating an intensely loyal fanbase.
Beyond their awkward and relatable humor, what drew their fans in was their long-lasting friendship. In 2016, The Tailored Press interviewed some “Phans,” asking them, “What is the first thing that pops into your head when you hear, ‘Dan and Phil?’” Two of the fans responded with “friendship.” One fan expanded on this by saying, “It’s so rare to have a friend that stays by your side through ups and downs, and they have achieved that and have been going for nearly eight years.” It’s evident just how large of an impact Dan and Phil’s friendship had on their fanbase, holding as a light of hope for a fandom made up of mostly teenagers who felt themselves to be outcasts.
However, the fandom wasn’t always this relaxed. A large part of the community was made up of what others called “Demon Phannies,” a nickname for those in the fandom who don’t respect Dan and Phil’s privacy, intensely shipping them or making up insane theories about their private lives. While these people were criticized online and off, they occupied a large enough space in the fandom that even those who claimed to be above this behavior — including myself — found themselves behind the scenes watching “Phan proof” videos or reading over-sexualized fan fiction. The “Hat Fic,” an extremely disturbing piece of this nature, was so heavily discussed in the fandom that Dan and Phil themselves even jokingly referenced it. The issue with this, beyond being a huge violation of their privacy, is that — at the time — both of these men were closeted in their public-facing, online lives. This meant that Dan and Phil not only had to navigate the typical struggles of being closeted, but also do it while being internet famous and, on top of that, with a fanbase hell-bent on them being gay.
In 2018, Dan and Phil announced that they would be taking a break from posting on their gaming channel, claiming they were taking some time to “step back and have a think about our lives, creatively.” This decision was followed by a year-long silence on Dan’s channel and sporadic solo videos from Phil, leaving fans to wonder what exactly this hiatus was all about.
This is the climate of the fandom to which Dan Howell posted his video, “Basically I’m Gay.” In this beautifully scripted and unbelievably well-edited video, Dan candidly discusses his sexuality, his mental health struggles and how he navigated these challenges before and after his internet fame. Phil uploaded his coming out video, “Coming Out To You,” about two weeks later, telling his story about growing up gay and navigating his sexuality in his personal life. Both of these videos rocked the internet and gained tons of support from fellow creators and fans alike.
While both videos rightfully centered their individual experiences, they did lightly discuss their relationship to one another. On the topic of Phil, Dan said, “And obviously we were more than friends, but it was more than just romantic, this is someone that genuinely liked me, I trusted them, and for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe.” He followed this up with, “We are real best friends, companions through life, like actual soulmates.” In his video, Dan also hinted at the insane privacy violations that he and Phil had experienced, saying, “I wanna do certain things without an audience. I wanna be spontaneous. I don’t wanna feel afraid to take risks. I want to enjoy totally fucking something up and not have to post a public statement about it. And if anyone thinks people really have to share these things about their life, you need to rethink your position.”
After both of their videos were released, Dan and Phil entered a new, seemingly happier era. They’ve recently revived their gaming channel, something fans thought would never resurface, designed their own house and have even been reacting to their old content, allowed to make as many risque jokes as they want in the process. Fans have also been increasingly respectful of their privacy, not forcing labels on them and just being happy that they made it to the other side of years of invasive fan behavior.
To me, Dan and Phil’s story is astounding. They went through some of the most wildly inappropriate parasocial behavior at the hands of their devoted fanbase, drowning in intense sexualization and speculation, the likes of which I haven’t seen since. Yet, they made it out seemingly better than ever. Like a lot of Dan and Phil fans who have stuck it out this long, I feel honored to have watched their journey over the years. A once-in-a-lifetime relationship like theirs is not only thrilling to watch but also serves as a beacon of hope for anyone who in any way resonates with their stories, humor or identities. As a lonely 11-year-old girl, their friendship, whether romantic or not, proved to me that once-in-a-lifetime love was immensely possible, even through hellish circumstances like those they endured. At 18 years old, I see my Dan and Phil in all the people I have in my life, finding pieces of what they have in what I have with my best friends. They will always have my attention, and I am immensely grateful for the joy that their love for one another has brought me.
Daily Arts Contributor Campbell Johns can be reached at caajohns@umich.edu.