1. Once Upon a Time in Mexico (23.4) – Coming next, “El Mariachi” in 3-D. Because it worked so well for those damn “Spy Kids.
2. Matchstick Men (13.0) – I’m glad they didn’t choose the title Lighter Lads, that would have been dumb.
3. Cabin Fever (8.6) – Forget a flesh-eating virus. A week alone with nothing but the Hillary Duff CD, that’s cabin fever.
4. Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (5.0) – Do you think David Spade was a smug, unhappy little man … even as a child?
5. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (4.5) – Let’s hear it for Johnny Depp for being in two of the top-10 movies of the weekend. It must be because he is married to a Paradis.
6. Freaky Friday (4.0) – Why does this movie have a scarier name than the one below it?
7. Jeepers Creepers II (3.0) – How do you convince anyone to see this movie, do you just not let them see the first one?
8. Seabiscuit (2.7) – Take him into the woods, so he can remember how to be a horse.
9. S.W.A.T. (2.7) – Seabiscuit Was A Terd. “Super Troopers” forever! Right, car ramrod?
10. Open Range (2.7) – A change of pace for Costner – a movie that doesn’t totally suck.