1. Dickie Roberts: Former Child Star (6.6) – What mental
giant of a film executive gave this movie the go ahead? Probably
the same one who approved “Joe Dirt.”

2. Jeepers Creepers II (6.5) – Despite earning less than
“Dickie,” at least this movie made more than one that has been out
for three months.

3. Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
(5.2) – Argh, this is a good movie. Johnny Depp listed PePe Le Pew
as one of his influences.

4. Freaky Friday (5.0) – Here’s an idea, we’ll have two
people switch bodies and hilarity will ensue. How original.

5. S.W.A.T. (4.5) – Stupid Witless Action Thriller. Best
cop movie ever: “Super Troopers.”

6. The Order (4.4) – I order this movie to be banished
and ne’er return.

7. Open Range (4.2) – Westerns are still cool, despite
Kevin Costner’s best efforts.

8. Seabiscuit (3.7) – Didn’t these people learn their
lesson from the “Horse Whisperer?”

9. Freddy Vs. Jason (3.2) – Freddy’s anger must come as a
result of sexual tension and an inability to relieve himself.

10. Uptown Girls (2.4) – White trash meets high society
in this piece of poop … I mean cinema.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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