Vice Vice Baby

hit, “Ice Ice Baby” by Vanilla Ice.

“Vice Vice Baby, Vice Vice Baby”

All right stop grab Diet Coke and listen,

M. Keller”s back and the topic? Her addictions.

Bad habits like Boy Band infatuations,

Beverage-based obsessions and extreme

procrastination.

Will she ever stop? Yo We”ll just see.

Will writing Weekend columns will be her

weekly therapy?

(A tad bit extreme, don”t let this column confuse

you, My mental health”s fine I”m just trying to

amuse you.)

Wardrobe, I wear dark jeans and coat-sweaters

The look is quite generic, but it makes my ass

look better.

Trendy? If you”re seeking definition,

As a style aficionado, I have a yearly Vogue

subscription.

Love it or loath it, high-maintenance is my vice,

But can you blame a single gal for wanting to look

nice?

Though shopping is not my problem, for your

information,

My consumerist tendencies could cause bank card

condemnation.

It”s not Nice Nice Baby.

But it”s my Vice Vice Baby.

It”s not Nice Nice Baby.

But it”s my Vice Vice Baby.

Now that my venting is rollin”

As my secret fixations are slowly unfoldin”

We”ll jump to the vice, the vice I”ve battled for a

while,

I drink my Diet Cokes like

they”re goin” out of style.

Chuggin” them, ever since I

was 16,

I”m sorry to admit I”m code-

pendent with my caffeine.

Strollin” with my 20 ounce

in tow

Sippin” through my straw, so

tooth enamel won”t go.

Soy lattes on stand-by,

should the D.C. run dry.

But since I bulk shop, my

cupboard”s in full supply!

Set on drinking something

else besides pop,

I tried to quit, but found

necessities just don”t stop.

(This vice should end now,

so next we move to )

I”m a Boy Band fiend on

Blue Front Avenue!

Menudo was hot before I

was a pre-teen,

Now from New Kids to

Backstreet, I still adore the

pop scene.

Zealous about *NSync lyrics and dance,

Justin”s not that bad, but my loyalty”s with Lance.

Jammin” to their rhythms

while staying up late,

Thanks to the worst of my

vices, I procrastinate!

Deadlines are a personal

hell,

Sure I have time, but do you

think I use it well?

Far from a lack of

motivation,

Why rush to hit the books,

when you can have a

conversation?

It”s not Nice Nice Baby.

But it”s my Vice Vice Baby.

It”s not Nice Nice Baby.

But it”s my Vice Vice Baby.

Take note, “cause I”m a girly with a mission,

End my reign as Vice Queen and change my

dependent disposition.

Crack down, on why these habits seem to stay,

Why I say, “I”ll quit tomorrow” almost every other

day.

“Cause the fix is not a patch or a pill,

It”s a matter of want meets will.

Regain a more virtuous composure, as these

habits let loose.

Energize my potential, once these vices vamoose.

Yo, I”m out of here.

Word to your mother.

Meredith Keller can be reached at makeller@umich.edu. Stay tuned for her music video debut.