Warning: The film reviewed here should not be seen by anyone.

Charles Goddeeris
The triple threat: Dumb and racist.
[Courtesy of Artisan]

Words cannot describe the pain, the sheer agony and the pure horror of viewing “National Lampoon’s Van Wilder.” Root canal and child birth seem like a vacation compared to sitting in a darkened theater and being subjected to the 90 minutes of pure filth. “Van Wilder” is awful, derivative and one of the worst films to come out of Hollywood in the past 10 years.

The story is quite simple. Van Wilder is a seventh year undergraduate student and the king of his college campus. He refuses to finish college, opting to live the life of a collegiate bachelor surrounded by alcohol, women and worshiping friends. Van is constantly at war with faculty members, none more so than his political science professor (Paul Gleason, “Die Hard”). When his father (Tim Matheson, “Animal House”) cuts off the funds to force his son to graduate, Van must raise money to continue with his vivacious activities. Plot originality at its finest.

Ryan Reynolds (ABC’s “Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place”) plays the titular character with glowing confidence and a grating smile, trying just a little too hard to be that next hot young actor. His mannerisms are cocky and irritating, borrowing from an assortment of comedy legends while remaining entirely hackneyed. May his film career end swiftly.

Tara Reid (“Josie and the Pussycats”) delivers a knockout performance as Gwen, a hard-nosed journalist writing a feature story on the legendary status Van Wilder has on campus. Sarcasm aside, while her appearance resembles a high-class prostitute, her talents as an actress are comparable to a 400-pound swimmer in a tight red Speedo.

The supporting cast is equally trivial, due largely in part to the clich

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