Oh man, here it comes: “Breaking Dawn — Part 2.” Based on the teaser trailer, Summit is trying hard to make you think this series finale is going to be epic. There’s the slowly pounding music — like a heartbeat, but more tribal — and flashes of action intended to induce a state of frenzied excitement in any Twi-hard.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2


But for the rest of us, the trailer falls flat — trips, actually, in its delivery of “tension.” Why are two shots devoted to Bella’s hideous ring, and only one pan to a disappointingly clothed Jacob? Kristin Stewart’s opening voiceover is laughably awful: “After 18 years of being utterly ordinary, I finally found that I could shine.” Seriously? That’s how we’re reacquainted with you after Bella almost died in the last film giving birth to a demon baby? Stephanie Meyers could write better than that.

And of course, nothing could top the hilarious last second, during which Bella resembles a demon sheep from a certain campaign ad from two years ago. Those red eyes don’t lie: This may be a film you should stay away from.

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