Attempting to figure out the inner workings of the males of our species is probably akin to the difficulty of a 100-level sociology class. What most of us desire on the whole isn”t vast or complicated: Good food, a television with cable, some income coming in it varies, but rarely does it get complex. Of course, when it comes to matters of the opposite sex, it is then that things get all convoluted imagine putting a drop of motor oil in a gallon of clean water and you get the idea. Unfortunately, if the fellas actually sit and ponder on the weight of much of our decision making in regards to the opposite sex, the outcomes will almost always lean in the same direction

Paul Wong
Dustin J. Seibert<br><br>The Manifesto

Can it all be so simple? Is the basis of the majority of the decisions that men make dependent on whether it will score us a piece of ass? I wish that I could say that that is not entirely the case, but there is absolutely no denying that, at least at some point in every man”s life, our phallic members dictate our actions, often with less than savory results. It”s a crying shame the amount of money we will spend, the promises that we will make, or the deplorable amount of shit we will endure when Sgt. Johnson is standing at attention. I suppose it was God”s cruel joke just to let those suckers hang there and make big decisions for us while “big head” is upstairs trying to play catch up.

Otherwise collected, straight-thinking gentlemen flip the script and turn into macho boneheads should the right woman happen to come into eyesight. Guys, remember when you were six years old and a pretty lady came into the room? You would do something silly, like run headfirst into a wall and bounce off of it like you were imitating Voltron or something? (Kiss my ass I know I am not the only one!) Things like that were okay then, but innocence is lost in adulthood and our decisions are more pivotal in determining whether we win the affections of the girl.

Men are often labeled as obnoxious, sleazy, doggish men who view women as little more than sexual objects, wishing to surpass a meaningful relationship for love of the booty. This may appear to be the case with most of the dudes that women dismiss as dogs, but I think that only a small handful of fellas want to actually stay all mixed up in the game forever most guys are, in fact, in search of wifey material and not every woman can be that. Men have “needs” just like women, and there is a good chance that, if a woman finds herself only holding a man when her legs are spread open, then chances are she is only fulfilling that particular man”s “need.”

We are sexual creatures by nature, but it is not at all limited to carnal pleasure sex and physical pleasure can get a relationship going only so far and that applies to both sides. I cannot support a man stringing a woman along by means of dishonesty, unfortunately it is an all too common practice. When all is said and done though, we eventually need to be loved men look for that woman that will make them no longer desire the chase, because that special woman has some or a number of aspects about them that the man doesn”t see in all the females that he messed with in the past. Our promiscuity will only take us to a certain point in our lives I can almost guarantee that most men will not find that in a woman who has no reservations about jumping in bed with him immediately.

Though it should go without saying, most every man loves his mama. Even the hardest hard-rock dude walking the streets with several babymamas and a warrant on his head will buckle down for his mother. She is the very first female influence in our lives and for that reason she is often the foundation of what men desire in a significant other when we say we want a woman like our mother, we are telling the truth. It often turns out to be a contradiction of sorts call it male chauvinistic “role play” if you will, but most men are not exactly comfortable with the idea of the woman being the aggressive bread-winner in the relationship. This doesn”t mean stay at home and live off of your husband (that bothers me and many others) the idea is that we want to take care of you, but we don”t want to have to take care of you.

One aspect that bothers me most about men is the ease that it takes for a woman to come between us. Sure it is common for people in new relationships to find themselves hanging out with their old friends less and less, but don”t let a woman put a bug in a man”s ear the latter get turned so inside out that their better judgment escapes them for moment in time long enough to completely ruin a good friendship. Only later do they come to their senses and realize that they were being mind-fucked, hoping and praying that Leroy and the fellas will forgive them.

Indeed, a sound mind is often corrupted by a member of the opposite sex it is only well into the relationship, or completely following it, that people realize that they were behaving like different people, at least for a while. One thing about fellas is that our friends will usually tell it like it is if you are dealing with wifey material and they approve, then the woman”s rating skyrockets. If they identify her as the walking “doorknob,” then they won”t hesitate to let us know. Even more important? Our mothers. If we get to the point where we wanna bring you home, then you are definitely the move. If she approves? Even better still. Like I said, it ain”t hard to figure us out, but for some reason, things don”t always work out like they should so goes life.

Knowledge.

Dustin Seibert can be reached via e-mail at dseibert@umich.edu.

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