How do serial killers find the time to raise enough money to capture, torture and murder their victims?

Jessica Boullion
(Courtesy of Lionsgate)

Seriously. How does Jigsaw have the sheer energy to make the mazes in which he annihilates victims in the brutally redundant “Saw” movies? On “CSI,” how could someone take the time to melt a guy’s head off without anyone noticing during a party? And in “Se7en,” did anyone really believe that John Doe felt so truly compelled by the seven deadly sins that he had to make seven distinctively cinematic murders?

Such thoughts linger as one watches the soft-core snuff film “Captivity,” a crushing low in the once-respectable career of two-time Oscar-nominated director Roland Joffe (“The Killing Fields,” “The Mission”). In this latest genre jerk-off, N.Y. model named Jennifer (insert vacuous Elisha Cuthbert and her “tastefully” blurry nudity and sex) is captured with a toxic cocktail and held for torture in prototypically “creative” and sadistic form. Yawn. Giggle. Bore.

Since when did death threats become comical? The film is intended to provoke claustrophobic fear and anxiety, but instead we get only laughable entrapment as “Captivity” leaves us stuck in a series of dumb, splashy gore. Body parts in a blender. A hardcore dental exam. Acid showers. Seriously, it views a lot funnier than it reads.


“Captivity”
At Quality 16 and Showcase
Lionsgate

Rating: 0.5 out of 5 stars

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