As someone whose commute regularly takes her across the Diag from Chem to Angell, I sympathize with all cellphone-using pedestrians. Sure, I don’t flip open my phone every time I leave a class. But I, too, know the loneliness of a 40-second walk in the bitter cold.

So I wasn’t surprised when I was walking past the Natural Science Building, trailing behind a girl whose ear was pressed firmly to her cellphone, chatting away in a voice obnoxiously echoing with exclamations of “He didn’t!” “No way!” “Um, yeah!”

I was surprised, though, when halfway through her righteous Valley Girl tirade, her phone rang. She stopped. Looked around. Pressed a button. “Hello?”

BERNIE NGUYEN

Lindsay Lohan will star in the movie

One night last week, I was trudging home from an all-day study marathon at Starbucks on State Street. As I was about to cross the Diag, I noticed a group of girls sitting under a tree, all clad in black, with several piercings each. I was about to pass them when one girl yelled: “Hey, bitch.”

Seeing as there was no one else around, I casually asked why she had said that.

The only response I got was: “Because I hate you. Fuck you.”

Unfortunately, I took the same route home a few nights later, only to see the same girl walking toward me, this time with her boyfriend. I quickened my pace and kept my eyes straight ahead, hoping she wouldn’t notice me,

No such luck.

As we were about to pass each other, she whispered something to her boyfriend, who proceeded to let out a malicious laugh and then spit at my feet.

I paused, contemplating the distance between my shoe and the oozing saliva. It was just long enough for the rest of the gang to launch a series of catcalls in my direction. I wish I could say I took them down, one by one.

Let’s be honest: At 5’7″ and 125 lbs., I didn’t stand a chance.

Needless to say, during finals week I will be studying on South University Avenue.

EMILY ANGELL

Just taking a break

I was in my dorm room studying when a friend came to visit me. She wanted to see how my research paper was going.

“How’s the studying going?” she asked.

“Oh, great,” I told her.

Then she looked at my laptop’s screen and said: “Are you watching YouTube videos?”

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