As we approach the end of the year, we face the onslaught of top ten lists, recapping the best and worst of the year. With the upcoming release of Miramax”s “Kate and Leopold,” we thought it appropriate to count off the best dismemberments in film history.
10. Reservoir Dogs “I don”t give a good fuck what you know or don”t know I”m going to torture you anyway.” The image of Mr. Blonde (played by a wonderfully grizzled Michael Madsen) hunched over a severely worked (and slightly earless) over cop with a straight razor has been burned into all of our memories, and some of us are still cringing.
9. Monty Python and the Holy Grail Who knew those Brits had such tenacity? The Black Knight has his arms and legs torn off, blood squirts everywhere, yet the big guy remains active, threatening to bite off his foe”s knee caps. One of the few dismemberments in film history where the dismembered doesn”t miss a beat, yet this ranks low on our list because British people don”t count anyway. Seriously.
8. Aliens Before James Cameron sold his soul with the succubous that is “Titanic,” he struck upon a brilliant concept. The only thing better than one alien is many aliens. And the only thing better than many aliens is when the android Bishop is torn apart, sending milky white blood in every direction and leaving his head hanging by a thread. That ruled.
7. Friday the 13th Kevin Bacon”s first film ends with a decapitation of John-the-Baptistian proportions. Jason”s loving mother has her head sliced (sleeeeiced) off by a machete, and her clawing hands reaches out for her surprised visage. You even get to see the top of her neck. Super sweet.
6. Street Trash For those who have never tasted the “Trash,” rush to your local cult video store to find not only the manhood-dismembering scene, but also the lively game of monkey-in-the-middle that follows. Ouch.
5.The Re-Animator The list may be saturated with decapitations but this one takes the cake. Our hero Herbert West is attacked by his bitter enemy but skillfully fends off the villain with a shovel. Herb proceeds to slice off the head of his victim cleanly and places it in a tray on his desk. Only problem is the head won”t stand up straight but the situation is remedied with a paper spike.
4. The Big Lebowski Dude. A bit of trivia, the nihilist missing the toe is played by Aimee Mann, singer best known for her work on the “Magnolia” soundtrack. This started the whole “kidnap-a-girl-and-cut-off-her-toe” craze of the late “90s.
3. Commando Following one of the greatest killing sprees in film history, one in which John Matrix kills off almost 100 soldiers with machine guns, grenades and a very unusual dart gun, our hero finds himself surrounded by guerrilla soldiers and out of ammo in a shed. Always resourceful, Matrix gathers several tools, including a rake, saw and axe to battle the enemies. The scene is highlighted by Matrix literally taking one soldier behind the wood shed and slicing off his arm with an axe. The poor bastard can only watch as the blood gushes from his arm.
2. (Tie) Star Wars/The Empire Strikes Back In “Star Wars,” Obi-Wan Kenobi represents for Jedi and senior citizens alike when he relieves a walrus faced patron in Mos Eisley cantina of his arm with one swift swipe of his light saber. Damn that”s hot. In “Empire,” Vader and Luke duke it out in the bowels of the Cloud city, with the father severing the son”s hand before telling him the truth about his lineage. “That”s not true that”s impossible!”
1. Evil Dead 2 Groovy. This is one of the only films in which a severed hand has a bigger part than most of the supporting characters. After stabbing his own possessed hand and cutting it off with a chainsaw (started with one pull of the cord with his teeth), Ash must battle the hand that went bad (which somehow has a voice) as it spews gallons of fake blood all over the cabin.
Compiled by The Daily Arts Staff