5: Hot celebrity moms – Jennifer Garner almost slipped because of her sudden “ballast” that accompanies the wonderful state of – how did the Victorians say it? – being with child. And even the full-fledged, experienced mom, the ever-dazzling Reese Witherspoon, made Ryan Phillipe look like the luckiest father and husband in the western hemisphere. Competent Hollywood moms, you represent an absurd standard of perfection. God bless you.

Jess Cox

4: ‘Crash’ bashing – George Bush may not like black people, but the Academy does. After slaying the dually chic/edge romance and splendor of “Brokeback Mountain,” the sizzling patchwork of righteousness known as “Crash” started catching more flack than Ludacris at a feminist-rhetoric conference. Soon after the upset, the expected backlash set in around hour six. No narrative coherence, no character development, few unforced moments of visual beauty. All true, but “Crash” digs under the skin. And it won. Bitches.

3: Tom Hanks, the angry old man – The nicest man in Hollywood drops a couple curse words right before he presents an award? Apparently he was pissed that the orchestra played music from “Forrest Gump” after he specifically ordered them not to. Funny, we figured he’d be angry over the mullet tribute his hairstylist created for “The DaVinci Code.” UH! WHAT NOW, MR. “TERMINAL!”

2: Three 6 Mafia post-parties with Salman Rushdie – Both parties likely discussed their haters (East Coast rap elitists / The Ayatollahs), their artistic masterpieces (“Stay Fly” and “Sippin’ on Some Syrup” / “Midnight’s Children”) and (this part is serious) Rushdie told Three 6 that he was pulling for them the whole time. Remember how Rushdie started writing lyrics for Bono? Get ready for Memphis bounce-rap to start having way, way more Hindu images. Globalization rules.

1: ‘Brokeback Mountain’ Legos – All your favorite scenes reenacted by Lego versions of Ennis and Jack. We wonder if the pegs interlock in the appropriate places. Or if we can “quit” Legos. Do your own analysis and check out more photos at www.destinationdaniel.smugmug.com.

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