Who knows “time tested secrets” better than Grandma? With advice like, “Have another piece of cake and wash it down with a gin and tonic,” and “Take a few lovers, travel the world, and don”t take any crap,” Susan Jane Gilman”s grandma was her main influence in writing “Kiss My Tiara: How to Rule the World as a Smart-Mouth Goddess.”

Paul Wong
Susan Jane Gilman has written commentary for The New York Times, Ms., US, The Los Angeles Times and many others.<br><br>Courtesy of Warner Books

In today”s world, full of contradictory messages and expectations for women, “Kiss My Tiara” offers humorous and no-nonsense alternatives to negative and annoying issues coming from the media, men, relatives, and friends.

Sharing her grandma”s witty remarks with her own intuitive voice, Gilman, who will be reading from “Kiss My Tiara” tonight at Shaman Drum, approaches tackling tactics from careers, sex, dating, dieting, and more. Taking a turn from the typical self-help books which counsel women on the old formulas, losing weight and catching Prince Charming, Gilman guides women on becoming Smart-Mouth Goddesses when it comes to: 1) Beauty: Sure beauty has the power to excite men. But so does a box of donuts. 2) Food: The Jews didn”t survive on wheatgrass. Neither will we. 3) Dating: “The real purpose of a date is so we can tell our gal-pals about it the next day. With 99% of dates ending in disappointment, we”re better off using it as a source of endless entertainment.” 4) Marriage: “Don”t build a marriage on sexual chemistry. Sure fireworks are spectacular, but look what happens to them. Fifteen seconds and poof!”

Each chapter not only begins with a witty title ranging from PMS is a Power Tool, Fish Who Need Bicycles (A Thinking Girl”s Guide to Love), to Wisdom From Dickville, but each page provides a laugh and a smile.

“Kiss My Tiara” is much more than advice with an attitude on dating and sex it”s about money, power and politics as well. Regarding money as a power tool, Gilman suggests classic man-catching techniques, playing hard to get, acting mysterious, which actually help women get the millionaires they”re supposedly trying to marry.

Ruling the world as a smart mouth goddess comes from the assumption that talk in itself has the power to persuade and influence today”s world. Take the phrase, “You go, Girl,” formally exclusive to “drag queens and homegirls.” Now 80-year-olds in Branson, Missouri are calling it out to each other on Bingo Night.” With the guts, tools, brains, attitude, and even clothes, Gilman concludes that today”s women are in prime position to conquer the world.

As her grandma used to say, “”The world will be more heart-breaking than you know, and more beautiful than you”ll ever imagine.” So let”s follow our own path, stand tall, and not take any shit. And while we”re at it, have a good laugh.”

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