L ast weekend my friend “Tom” walked into my house to find my three roommates and I glued to a “Dateline” special on young girls who get sucked into making porn.
This led us to ask him all sorts of questions about the male obsession with pornography and specifically to explain the mechanics of the featured porn star’s act of “double-anal penetration.” This was something that we just couldn’t grasp without the help of a visual aid, and because “Dateline” neglected to provide a diagram, we were forced to form our own opinions on the technical feasibility of this move.
After assuring us that he had never viewed such an acrobatic sex act, Tom went on to voice his amazement at how much we talk about sex and how graphic our conversations can get. This might be because I’m always asking my friends for ideas for my next column or simply just because we are not embarrassed by talking about sex.
The fact that Tom, an athlete, finds the conversations of five girls in their living room more graphic than what he hears in locker rooms is interesting, and frankly, a source of personal pride.
Gone are the days when women were supposed to be demure and keep quiet about all subjects sexual. Men – watch out. Female conversations about sex often sound like excerpts from a Danielle Steel novel.
In my experience, women are far more graphic than men about their sexual exploits and are usually willing to discuss anything. I have even heard women say, “Oh, you shave down there? Can I see it?”
No, this is not a line from a lesbian porn, it is simple curiosity.
Considering that I’ve heard it’s bad etiquette for men to even look anywhere but the wall while standing at a urinal, I think it’s safe to say that men are not as openly curious as women.
Take oral sex for example. The first time I learned about oral sex was when I was twelve. A girl in my summer camp cabin demonstrated “how to do it” on a hairbrush.
This was followed by countless other demonstrations at sleepovers all throughout middle school. Most women I’ve talked to had similar experiences. I’ve heard many women talk about oral sex in a variety of different ways, everything from “Eeww, it’s so gross!” to “Here’s my technique” to “Of course I don’t swallow.”
(And while I’m on the subject; guys, no matter what your older brother tells you, pushing a girl’s head toward your lap is not a surefire way to get a woman to perform oral sex.)
Women discuss everything; men do not. When their friends ask what happened with the hot chick the night before, most guys would not say, “Yeah, I went down on her.” There would be a simple, “I got laid” and that would be the end of it.
As my boyfriend says, “I don’t want to hear about what another dude is doing. That’s disgusting.”
Women however, rarely find sex stories disgusting and the more detailed the story is, the better. I’ll use my friend “Liz” as an example. One night while playing “Never Have I Ever” in a room littered with an incalcuable number of empty wine bottles, it took her 15 minutes to stammer through the following:
“Let me first say that I was in high school. And, this one night I had eaten pretty much a whole cheese pizza for dinner,” Liz said. “So, I was really full and well, my boyfriend and I had a pretty long drive from the restaurant back to his house. And, we had always wanted to try, you know, road head. I was doing it and we hit a bump. I gagged and I threw up in his lap.”
No, this is not a joke. This actually happened to her. There were about 30 seconds of shocked silence before we all burst out in hysterical laughter.
Liz’s boyfriend has only revealed this story once. His clich