The sun is shining, the birds are singing and the hot dog vendors are back on State Street. Yes, springtime is here.
- Jason Pesick
Not a native Michigander, it’s a little difficult for me to understand why when the temperature hits 50 degrees that everyone starts wearing bathing suits and tanning on his or her front lawn. I’m still too cold to share the urge to put on a bikini but there is an upside to all of this spring fever – spring breeds new relationships and breathes life into old ones.
There’s something about the warm weather, and okay, the reduced amounts of clothing, that make people want to have sex in the springtime. I was walking through the Diag last week (which, on this particular day, looked like a waterless beach) and overheard two guys talking.
One said to the other, “Dude, this is awesome. All the girls are starting to wear those little tank tops with the tiny straps.” His friend heartily agreed with a guttural, “Yeaaahh, tank tops.”
This is one reason people have more sex in the springtime. Guys love skin. I have never met a guy whose favorite items of female clothing did not include tank tops and mini skirts. Men are visual creatures.
(This is why men like Playboy and porn and why some talk to women’s cleavage. It’s also my opinion that this is why there’s so much more female nudity than male nudity on TV. Women aren’t turned on by the sight of a penis while men love seeing breasts.)
T-shirts with low cut necklines are one reason men revel in spring. They see all that glistening skin and they immediately think of sex.
Last April, I was sitting outside my sorority house with some friends who were sunbathing. Our cook brought out Popsicles, creating such a visual that a bunch of guys in a truck almost crashed into a telephone pole. Although I’ve been told that women sucking on any sort of foodstuff will cause men to stare, I can’t say I totally understand it. Just because a woman likes bananas does not mean that she’ll like giving oral sex. But, I guess there’s no reason to give up hope.
And spring is the perfect time to hope. In my completely unfounded and unscientific view, warm weather makes people happier.
This is why people have more sex in the spring. It’s just warm enough not to shiver and want to put back on your pajamas, and just cool enough that you don’t get sweaty enough for your bodies to make weird suction noises when rubbed together.
Sex in the summer is sometimes just too much. It can get so hot that if anyone comes within four feet of me, I feel claustrophobic. Plus, my boyfriend is a veritable space heater. His tendency to exude massive amounts of heat is great in the winter when I can put my feet in between his to be warmed up in seconds, but in the summer the air conditioner has to be on for several hours before I even want to sit next to him.
The humid hot air can put a damper on all things affectionate. I hate summer. (Although, I do have one friend who swears by summer sex. She claims that putting her sheets in the freezer solves the “too hot for sex” problem, but I think that requires a lot more energy than it’s worth. If anyone’s tried it, send me an e-mail. She also swears by vodka and orange juice Popsicles. Now that’s one idea that seems worth the effort.) No, spring is the perfect season for sex, especially for sex outdoors.
Having sex in different locations is one of the top ways to put some spring back in your sexual step – pardon the pun. A long-term, somewhat stagnant, relationship can be reheated in just one encounter. Do something different. In warm weather, take it outside.
Although most experts say having sex on the beach is bad for you (sand irritates sensitive body parts and rips condoms), bringing a blanket alleviates these pesky problems.
Just make sure you’re somewhere private. Giving unsuspecting beach frolickers a show is not a good idea, and will most likely land you in a police car, which will ruin the mood.
(If it doesn’t, then you’ve probably become too accustomed to using handcuffs and/or costumes during sex.)
Sex in a private pool, on an empty trail while hiking or outside during a picnic are several other options for outdoor sex.
The nice weather does also provide multiple opportunities for sex in coveted but barely ever attempted spots. Just think; who would be inside the Grad studying on a Friday afternoon when it’s 75 degrees outside? Or seeing a movie?
Yes, the possibilities are endless.
– Is there something you’ve been dying to discuss? Send Caitlin ideas for her last column at cnish@umich.edu.