There”s something indelible about the things that harken us back to our youth, something intangible. It”s the notion of all these firsts we encounter that embed themselves into our very brains. The memories of these firsts are so real, we vividly recall them, and the smiles they bring to our faces and the tears to our eyes. It is within the confines of high school we encounter these very memories.

Paul Wong
Julia Stiles shows off her stars and stripes on a fashionable shirt.<br><br>Courtesy of MTV

I come to you all this week, not spouting a rant about why Aaron Lewis” shitfest isn”t worth your time or mine on the public airwaves, but just to simply reflect and recall a single moment of my youth, a brief time and hopefully help you remember that special someone as I do. My first love.

Suzanne moved to my hometown in 1994. I barely knew who she was we never really spoke. I was so enthralled with Night Crawler, Kitty Pride and my Dungeons Master”s Guide that I paid her little mind.

When we moved into the 10th grade however something was different about Suzanne. Her braces were off and she looked different, as if over the summer she had grown up. She looked less like a 13-year-old girl and more like a 16-year-old girl.

(Note: Three-year time warp in previous paragraph, time flies when you only have so much space to tell a damn story.)

We started to date in September 1996, actually our first date was on September 24, 1996. We really didn”t go out, my parents drove me over to her house and Suzanne and I sat in her basement listening to songs and talking. I didn”t really know what to do with her. I hadn”t been on a real date before it was awkward but for some strange reason it worked.

We dated throughout high school, Suzanne may not have been named Kelly, but she was my Kapowski.

It was two years of love and affection during our junior and senior years. I graduated (barely) and she did too (read: she graduated with honors, and I got my GED fishing through the toilet of education).

College was a whole new experience, Suzanne and I were inseparable, I had never thought it would be as good as it was, no parents around, no rules, just each other. I held on to her when times were rough (when I was crying because I missed my mommy,) and she held me (when I would fall on the ice because of my inherent lack of coordination).

Something changed though. Something terrible changed. In the summer of 2000, Suzanne started to grow away from me. The once complex, smart, heartfelt now-near woman I loved was changing. She was regressing. Sure, their were still outpourings of occasional emotion, but she grew faceless and chilled. I didn”t know what to do. I”d had Suzanne on my arm since 1996 we were one we were as good as married in my mind.

As it goes though, married in my mind is no good.

We had a horrible falling out last May tears were shed and doors were slammed, and again I (much like our sex life) was the one with the tissues, and she was doing the slamming.

Exit metaphor.

Weezer has taken us all on one giant ride. In May 2001, they released Weezer- aka “The Green Album.” It”s packaged in lime green because it smells and sounds like vomit.

I first met Weezer up-close in 1996 when their magnum-opus Pinkerton, was released. I had heard “Buddy Holly,” “Undone (The Sweater Song)” and “Say it Ain”t So,” and I had taped them all off the album, but they paled in comparison to the songs on Weezer”s second record. The excruciatingly personal album was musically complicated and lyrically poignant. It was cleverly laced with pop sensibilities and major-chord riffing.

Unfortunately, not enough of us (the moron-filled public) bought enough copies. I have two copies, so I have your hot female friend who is definitely not reading this anymore covered, but you: you don”t have the record. Instead, the public gobbled up the Green. The absolute worst comeback album of all time (this side of Balance.) The campy songs are ripe with simplicity and lack any sense of feeling. They were written off a chord chart that frontman Rivers Cuomo devised while he was holed up not doing shit for the last five years.

“Only in Dreams” from their eponymous debut was previously the longest song Weezer had recorded, but that title has been stripped from the song, as tracks 5 thru 10 on the green album now are the longest single song Weezer has recorded.

The entire Green Album drips with vile boredom and guitar solos that simply match the vocal line. All the songs sound eerily similar. And not eerie in a “wow this is fucking cool” kind of way eerie in a “why the hell does Weezer have to suck ass now?” kind of way.

But they do, despite my endless pining and pleading. After five years of waiting, Weezer put the proverbial screws to all of us.

Despite my heartache, I”ve managed to move on and begin to heal from Suzanne”s betrayal. I”ve focused my affection on a new little lady, and she”s looking promising. She swears like a sailor and can make me laugh. She”s a little on the heavy side, but she has a great set of DDs. Tenaciously.

Luke Smith can be reached at lukems@umich.edu

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