Rape may be the biggest violation that can be inflicted on a
woman. But for LSA junior Nicole Terwilliger, the anniversary of
her rape four years ago is something she wants to celebrate, not
for the act itself, but for the strength required in overcoming
it.
The Sexual Assault Prevention and Awareness Center’s 18th
annual Speak Out yesterday provided Terwilliger and other sexual
assault victims and their friends an environment in which they
could freely share their experiences. The largest turnout of
students to date for a Speak Out attended the event in the Michigan
Union yesterday, with a final tally of around 100, said SAPAC
spokeswoman and LSA junior Lindsay Jolley.
“With each passing year there is more awareness about the
issues. It’s really great that so many people came to
support” sexual assault survivors, Jolley added.
The speakers who chose to discuss their experiences, all of whom
were women, were given the choice of speaking at either the media
or confidentiality podiums. The podiums, side by side on the stage,
gave victims who wanted more anonymity the choice to do so.
“The goal was to give people an area to speak. A lot of
times survivors don’t have an area where they can express
what happened and where they can be believed,” LSA junior and
SAPAC volunteer Caroline Roberts said.
Terwilliger, who chose to speak at the media podium, was one of
several women who spoke about her experience with sexual assault.
She tearfully described the assault that occurred to her at a party
during her senior year of high school.
“I was raped by someone I’d gone to school with
since seventh grade. I didn’t know him super well, but I
still didn’t think he’d do that to me. I was incredibly
lucky because I was believed — people didn’t think I
was lying,” Terwilliger said.
She added that it was later discovered that this same boy had
raped seven other girls. Because she was the first one to come out,
she said she felt that she had to be strong for the other girls who
were victimized.
But although she played the part of publicly coming to terms
with the assault, she said that inside she initially believed on
some level that it was her fault, and she could not completely
reconcile it.
“I thought, ‘On the (one-year) anniversary I will
send out an e-mail to all of the powerful women I know, and thank
them for being strong.’ (I wanted to) say something
meaningful about my experience as a survivor. But the first year I
couldn’t do it, the second year I couldn’t do it
— and I just thought to myself, why can’t I do
this?” she said tearfully.
On the third anniversary of the rape she said she was finally
able to come to terms with her assault and send out the e-mail,
which for her was validation that she no longer viewed the incident
as her fault.
She added that although the act of being raped was not her
choice, she did make the choice to turn it into something positive.
“Because I was able to heal in a certain way, it was a choice
where I can feel empowered,” Terwilliger said.
She added that she even wants her children to know about the
anniversary of her assault on Nov. 25. She wants the date to be a
family celebration in her own household, where they can recognize
that their mother was able to overcome the tragedy of being
assaulted.
At the closing of the event, SAPAC’s Education Coordinator
Charnessa Paige instructed the audience to gather together in a
circle to pass a candle. She said the candle stood as a remembrance
for those victims of sexual assault who were not present at the
Speak Out to tell their stories, or those who were there but not
yet ready to do so.
“(Sexual assault) affects so many people. It affects how
they see the world for the rest of their lives. If they don’t
have the necessary support, they may never be able to deal”
with sexual assault, Paige said.