In sum, I have seen seven episodes of “Sex and the City.” Thus, I am not your typical gay guy. Or am I … ? Just the other night I had sex with a guy that I don’t want a relationship with. That’s pretty gay, isn’t it?
- Steve Du Bois
Why are some things — “Sex and the City,” promiscuity, Express for Men, musicals — necessarily homosexual? Similarly, why are specific domains – sports venues, beer pong, rap — strictly heterosexual? Why the distinct, uncrossable sexual orientation boundaries? Personally, I’d like to think of myself as not-so-gay. I mean, surely I like the cock. Fine. But in terms of the societally stereotyped queer, I am not he. So why is it surprising that I, a big homo, would like typically hetero activities?
Not to give a genetics lesson, but homosexuality is irrefutably and significantly influenced by one’s genes.There are many genes in the recipe for homosexuality. Some predispose one to be physically attracted to the same sex, while others predispose one to have traits that are typical of a gay male: effiminism, hypersensitivity, and the like. It is entirely possible for one to have genes that predispose him to like boys but not those that predispose him to be a flamer. This explains a couple social conundrums, like the completely masculine, gym-going, beer- guzzling queer and the effeminate, understanding straight guy with a lisp; they have one set of genes in the gay combination, but not the others.
So, there is a distinct variety of phenotypes within the gay male population, just as there is within any subset of humans. Why, then, are we being clumped together as though we are the same person … as though the same fruity mannerisms, interests and fashion sense are inherent in each of us? This is unfair indeed.
Within the heterosexual community, there is a given variability between people. He is A, B and C, while he is way different: D, E and F. And him … wow, he’s like X, Y and Z. In the gay community, however, many are simply the same things: G, A and Y. Sometimes we get a little H, O, M and some more O thrown in there, but that’s just to support the first set of traits. This is problematic in that this supposed perception of invariability within the gay community by outsiders has now permeated and infected the community from within. That’s right, there’s something else spreading among queers, and it’s not even contractible via unprotected anal sex.
This perception of homosexuals as simplistic and redundant within the gay community is pervasive amongst its members. We homosexuals know what is expected of us: Flaunt this, say that, don’t show interest in those! And so, we succumb. Capitulate to the desire of the masses. Feed to them that which is expected …
And then the community is left with no … flair, if you will. That’s right, the gay community’s flair is threatened by heteros. But not by their hate crimes or slander … by their implicit, yet imposing, perception of homosexuals as a collective lacking any remnants of individuality and uniqueness. And here’s the worst part: Any typically homosexual behavior that I or any queer demonstrates is perceived by those straight people as validation of their claims. This leaves homosexuals in an unfortunate position: stereotyped and condemned for behaving … how we’re expected to behave. We’re spiraling downward into a rainbow colored vortex.
This perception of the stereotypical queer and its implications have the potential to undermine each and every one of a homosexual’s interactions. Perhaps I want to say something to someone who knows I’m gay, but it doesn’t sound quite fitting to come out of a gay mouth. Or perhaps I want to express something that, to someone who doesn’t know I’m gay, would out me. I may feel apprehensive or overeager, depending on the situation. But I certainly would not feel completely at ease … because, I have expectations to fulfill!
So what, am I bitter? A little … that many of my actions are determined by others’ perceptions of me. Yeah, that’s a little upsetting. That I have social and physical concerns that a majority of people are imposing on me? Uh huh.
Maybe I just have a weak personality that is susceptible to the influence of others. Maybe my overanalytical nature isn’t conducive to being gay. Maybe I’m embittered by the actions of a few, isolated incidents with heterosexuals. But … I don’t think so. I think I’m right.
In many ways I am not your typical homosexual, and Joe Hetero has a problem with that … that I can be both homosexual and an athlete, that I can both like buttsex and belch loudly after pounding a beer. Well, I refuse to change my personality based on my sexuality. Fifteen months ago my personality traits were not contingent upon my heterosexuality; nor are they now contingent upon my homosexuality.
I, as well as many other homosexuals, are just not what you expect of us.
Nor should we feel sorry.
Steve receives constructive criticism quite well and adulation even better. Feel free to contact him with either. He can be reached at duboiss@umich.edu.