This is a sad state of affairs, when I’m more excited for the Academy Awards than a Michigan-Michigan State basketball game.

And the game really lived up — or down, I guess? — to my expectations. The Wolverines dive-bombed through 40 minutes of lackluster play that wasn’t really worth watching. It was a great way to round up the season as a whole, which was, you know, disappointing or whatever.

So what do you say after an afternoon like that? When an Izzone member boasts a sign that says, “At least you still have football … hockey… uh, Ice Dancing” and — you know what? — there’s no comeback for that at the present time.

You focus on the Oscars and pretend the game didn’t happen, obviously.

So, in that weird state, I got to thinking what it would be like if the Michigan Athletic Department decided to roll out its own red carpet and hand out some Oscar-inspired awards.

Best Actor

This one is pretty obvious, right? There’s only one dude who hasn’t broken the heart of Michigan fans everywhere at some point this year. Brandon Graham.

He did everything this season, save literally devouring Terrelle Pryor, and I’m not so sure he wouldn’t have if he was given the opportunity.

He gave Wolverine Nation a reason to cheer over the last two seasons, and he deserves everything he’s about to get when he’s drafted in the first round of April’s NFL Draft.

Best Actress

Michigan sports fans have been so desperate this season that a deep run in volleyball’s NCAA Tournament seemed like something to get really excited about.

And, I’ll admit, I got pretty into it — I didn’t really know volleyball could be as exciting as that tournament was. Lexi Zimmerman, who was named to the All-America team after the season, seemed to be the team’s rock, though I’ll admit I really don’t know that much about the sport.

Best Comedy

The Delaware State football game. Halfway through the second half, Hornet players were jokingly asking Graham why he was still in the game. By the end — when even David Cone looked good — it was downright hilarious.

Best Lead Actor Who’s Totally Not Ready For The Big Leagues

Manny, heed the words of the student section during the waning minutes of the Illinois game:

“ONE MORE YEAR.”

I’ll admit that I want Manny to stay for selfish reasons, but I really think he could gain a lot from another year in Ann Arbor.

(Close runner-up: Donovan Warren. Seriously, dude, declaring for the draft was a bad choice.)

Best Horror Story

Michigan hockey. What the hell is going on with that team? Maybe the Wolverines are finally getting their crap together, but it’s definitely too little, too late.

For a team to be pegged as a potential national champion, a seventh-place finish in the conference is totally unacceptable.

I’m looking at you captain Chris Summers.

Best Picture

There’s really not a lot to choose from this year, is there? If you forget about everything that’s happened since then, the Notre Dame football game definitely fits the mold. It had everything – drama, suspense, upsets and Greg Mathews’s awesome touchdown catch for a climactic ending.

Oh my, how times have changed.

– Reid can be reached at andyreid@umich.edu.

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