The talk of the town is Justin Bieber is channeling the R&B style of Justin Timberlake in his new song. Apparently, “channeling” is a euphemism for “copying.” Bieber’s singing is barely present on the track: He only graces the chorus, and the production sounds like it’s attempting to hide his true identity — perhaps a wise move.


Justin Bieber

The lyrics to the verses are original, in the sense that few artists are willing to introduce this much poetic stupidity into their music. When “chillin’ by the fire while we eatin’ fondue,” we can only ask ourselves why the word “swag” is repeated not once, but three times with no context. Bieber creatively employs rhetorical devices like the onomatopoeia “burr” in reference to the temperature of snow, matched by a metaphorical reference to Buzz Lightyear, possibly inspired by a play date Bieber’s mom had scheduled weeks before with Cody Simpson — who will, in fact, appear on the upcoming album.

Sadly, but unsurprisingly, the song is predicted to sell hundreds of thousands of copies in its first week. Shudder.

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