It was a wild ride, but we finally have a winner in our first ever Daily Arts TV Tournament. If you”re wondering who won, you”ll just have to read the whole story.
- Paul Wong
- Kanaga mask: Carved wood with indigo paint, string and leather.<br><br>Courtesy of Museum of Art
First, we”d like to thank guest analyst Soleil Moon Frye for taking time out of her empty schedule to be our special final four analyst. It has been really nice catching up with her without having to turn on an “E! True Hollywood Story.” Truly, we are blessed.
Our Final Four matched up cartoon favorites “Scooby Doo” and “The Simpsons,” and hit NBC sitcoms “Seinfeld” and “The Cosby Show.” Guaranteed a cartoon versus live show final, questions arose: What makes the best show? More importantly, does FOX deserve to win anything, even a fake tournament?
In the cartoon-cartoon match-up, “Scooby Doo” took an early lead. It appeared as though it would be coasting to the championship. But “The Simpsons” haven”t lasted 12 years on the air without some heart. Homer put Scooby and Shaggy to shame in the pie-eating contest, and Maggie, fresh off of shooting Montgomery Burns, left to a standing ovation after she shut Scrappy Doo up. In post-game interviews, all Velma could say was “jinkies.” Scooby had this to say about his performance against the Simpsons: “Rart was rough, and Risa was too smart for Relma. Marge”s rookies tasted rike Scooby Snacks! Scooby Doobie Doo!”
On the other side, “The Cosby Show” wasn”t giving an inch to “Seinfeld.” Theo, Denise, Vanessa and Rudy Huxtable caused a lot of mischief for the older “Seinfeld” cast members. And even Jerry himself had to concede that Bill Cosby is one of the funniest comedians ever. But even when Newman and Jerry started bickering, and megalomaniacal owner George Steinbrenner fired general manager J. Peterman, the depth of the “Seinfeld” bench (George”s parents, the Soup Nazi, Puddy and Uncle Leo) proved too much for the Huxtables. In the end, “The Cosby Show” was smacked down like Michigan State.
The starting lineup for “Seinfeld” in the final: Guards George Costanza, Elaine Benes, forwards Cosmo Kramer and Jerry Seinfeld. They unconventionally choose not to have a fifth player. “The Simpsons” countered with big Homer at center, Marge and Bart at forwards and Maggie and Lisa in the backcourt. Twins Patty and Selma Bouvier were ready to step up and bang with anybody.
The big game in one word brutal. George left the game in the second half with an unspecified neurosis, and Maggie was pulled once executive producer Mike Scully realized she couldn”t walk, much less dribble. Jerry controlled the flow for his team, often slowing the game down to ask what the deal was with New York City cabbies. He was silenced when Comic Book Guy pronounced the series finale “worst episode ever.” After this, everyone from Professor Frink to Nelson to rarely seen cops Eddie and Louie had their way with the NBC quartet. The Simpsons were crowned the victors.
After the showdown, FOX head honcho Rupert Murdoch awarded the Elisabeth Filarski trophy to the men behind “The Simpsons:” Matt Groening, Sam Simon and James L. Brooks. Unfortunately, we couldn”t award them the real Elisabeth as promised, because her jerk boyfriend threatened to harm us. At least they”ll enjoy the prize until she”s booted off in a few weeks. Either way, it”s been a privilege to present pictures of Elisabeth and wacky tourney action. Join us next year when shows like “That”s My Bush” and “The Fighting Fitzgeralds” will try and topple “The Simpsons” to claim the crown. Until then, so long and congratulations to FOX for finally winning something.