Valentine’s Day might be marketed as the “True Love” holiday, a Hallmark-wonderland for the sappy set; cheap carnations, sugary love poems and grade-school doilies, sure, but let’s be real. Today isn’t really about weepy sentiments. It’s about chocolate and fucking. Daily Arts gives you the inside scoop on this season’s most titillating treats.

1. Vosges Haut Chocolat: An Aphrodisiac Library of Chocolate Love Spells, $24.99 at Zingerman’s

It may be pricey, but this ritzy chocolate sampler is a must-buy to satisfy your carnal cravings. The Barcelona Bar’s blend of hickory-smoked almonds and grey sea salt sends a smooth, sultry rush to your, ahem, tongue; and one bite of the Red Fire Bar is guaranteed to rev up more than just your taste buds.

2. Cake Nouveau: Aztec Hot Chocolate cupcake, $2.50

For an instant libido boost, stop by whimsical bakeshop Cake Nouveau and sample this week’s special recipe. It’s that classic elementary school birthday treat, but no cupcake ever made you want sex like this one does. The Aztec Hot Chocolate cupcake’s spicy blend of chocolate, cinnamon and chili flavor makes a little-known aphrodisiac.

3. Chocolate body paint, $11 at Schakolad; Candy bra, $9.99 and Lollicock All Day Suck[er], $7.99 at the Safe Sex Store

When the love potions kick in, your kinkier side will embrace these raunchy treats. Brush on the love batter, strap on the sweets and see how many licks it takes to get to the center of the weighty (anatomically impressive, and we must admit, quite tasty) Lollicock. Don’t be afraid to get a little messy – that’s what your tongue is for.

4. Truffles, prices vary, at Schakolad and Zingerman’s

If you’re not ready to get down and dirty, we’ve got you covered. For the classiest guilty pleasure, it’s impossible to go wrong with traditional chocolate truffles. Our favorite is Schakolad’s signature raspberry truffle, but Zingerman’s comes in close second with a generous selection of heart-shaped luxuries.

5. Morning-After basket, price may vary, at Schakolad

If you find yourself tired after a hard night’s work, a morning-after basket from Schakolad might help. Filled with a sensual array of hot chocolate, coffee and biscotti, there’s nothing better than a sweet breakfast to keep the fire burning well into tomorrow.

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