The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Samantha there?
Random: No. Can I take a message?
TMD: Okay, well my name is Graham and I’m calling from The Michigan Daily. I’m trying to do the Random Student Interview right now, would you be willing to do it?
R: How long does it take?
TMD: About 10 minutes.
TMD: Cool, what’s your name?
TMD: Okay, so with Spring Break coming up, we’ll be slanting that way. What are your plans for spring break?
R: I’m going to go to London.
TMD: That’s awesome. What for?
TMD: Do you have friends there?
R: No, my dad and I are going. Father and daughter trip.
TMD: Very cool. Would you ever take part in one of those MTV spring break things?
TMD: Have you ever been to Cancun or another similar destination in which the point is to get really drunk off of cheap alcohol and scrump a lot?
R: Cancun. We didn’t stay for a long time, but like a day, and then we went to Cozumel and Acapulco.
TMD: Do you tan before you go someplace warm for spring break to get that nice “base tan” that people are always mentioning?
R: Yeah, I usually use self tanner or something. I burn really easily.
TMD: Are you worried about skin cancer, or do you laugh in the face of melanoma?
R: I’m scared but it doesn’t stop me.
TMD: What color are your socks?
TMD: In general, are you the type of person who wears white socks year round or do you change socks with the changes of the season and/or the changes of your outfit color scheme?
R: No, just whatever I pull out of the drawer.
TMD: What’s your favorite color?
TMD: How many pairs of shoes do you own?
R: Oh god. I don’t know. Thirty.
TMD: Oh my god
R: They’re not all here. Can you hold on a second?
(Takes phone call. Long pause.)
TMD: Not a problem. Do you know what a duvet is?
R: Yeah, like a duvet cover for a bed.
TMD: Do you think it’s necessary for people like us to know what a duvet is? Is that essential to our livelihood?
R: No, not at all.
TMD: So why do we know what the hell that is?
R: I don’t know. I look at catalogues and stuff.
TMD: I guess I have no excuse. Do you currently feel compunction towards anything?
R: Is that like a draw toward something?
TMD: No, actually it means anxiety or deep uneasiness proceeding from a sense of guilt or consciousness of causing pain.
R: Definitely didn’t know that.
TMD: So do you feel anxiety or deep uneasiness from a sense of guilt or consciousness of causing pain?
R: No I haven’t done anything that mean to anybody lately.
TMD: Have you ever owned pets?
TMD: Would you say that you were good to them?
R: Um, no. Probably not. I mean I was, but you know how your parents say they’ll get you a pet if you take care of it, and then they totally take care of it? I mean, you cuddle with it, you know.
TMD: Do you have more friends than enemies?
TMD: Did you celebrate St. Valentine’s Day?
TMD: Do you know who St. Valentine was?
R: No idea.
TMD: Do you ever make up random facts that seem plausible just to sound smarter, or because other people are spouting out facts that don’t seem plausible and you want a piece of the conversation?
R: I’m sure I have.
TMD: What’s a better candle scent, mango or cinnamon?
R: Probably mango.
TMD: Can you think of a word that rhymes with orange?
R: No. Is there one?
TMD: A rhyming dictionary will give you words like lozenge and lunge.
R: Those don’t really rhyme.
TMD: I know, I think it depends on how you pronounce orange. But really, I think it’s one of the few words that doesn’t rhyme with anything. So don’t use it when writing poetry.
Do you ever feel that nuns are unhappy people?
R: Um, no, I don’t understand it, but they seem to accept the life they’ve chosen.
TMD: Do you ever read when you are on vacation?
TMD: What is it you study at this expensive public university, which I am proud to be attending, let me add?
R: Nothing in particular. I think I’m taking intro to everything.
TMD: Do fish have ears?
R: I don’t think so.
TMD: How do they hear?
R: I don’t know. Aren’t they like bats, don’t they, like, feel vibrations? Don’t quote me.
TMD: Sorry, that’s the point of this. If you and I were to form a band right now, what would our band name be?
R: Um, Tagalongs.
TMD: Nice. That’s kind of cool. What instrument would you play?
R: Guitar or drum. Or tambourine.
TMD: Unless you’re wicked skilled, you’re gonna have to choose one.
TMD: Would you ever name your child after a month or day?
TMD: What about after a city or state? Like Austin? Or Tennessee?
R: No! Because it happened to me.
TMD: Are you going to pick up the paper tomorrow to read this interview?
R: Probably. I want to see how dumb I sound.
TMD: All right. Thanks a lot. It’s been nice talking to you. Have a good day.