The English Department at the University made a surprising announcement yesterday, revealing The Royal Shakespeare Company, which has traditionally visited Ann Arbor in years past, has been de-invited (sic) this year.

Although the RSC had been scheduled to perform “Merry Wives of Windsor,” “Corialanus” and Salman Rushdie’s “Midnight’s Children” in March, the engagements have been cancelled in favor of another theater troupe, the Erotic Shake-N-Spear (sic, again) Company. The group, which has actually been performing erotic versions of Shakespeare’s greatest works since 1978, has been invited instead.

Professor George “Footlong” Wildwood of the English Department explained the University’s decision. “We just got tired of seeing the same, tired plays over and over again, and we thought that this would be a good way to change things, make them up, like the wind.”

Wildwood added, “Additionally, with all the kids watching the MTV and screwing like rabbits, we thought that including something a little more racy might be a good way to give the kids some culture.”

Here is a list of the plays that the company will be performing while in Ann Arbor:

n MacBreast: The classic story of murder and guilt with a twist: Lady MacBeth gets down with Banquo, MacDuff, the King and pretty much everyone else. No one is “unsexing” anyone in this version.

n Much Ado About Nutting: Bene-Dick and Beatrice act out their fiery fantasies during the S&Masked ball, and Beatrice succumbs to Claudio with Long Dong Pedro cheering them on.

n Julius Beaver: In this version, when Calpurnia begs Julius to stay home, he obliges her, and Acts III-V are them having sex.

n A Midsummer’s Wet Dream: In a departure from the original, Lysander, Hermia and Hippolyta have what the French call a “menage

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