So maybe they’re hard to discuss with a straight face. So maybe they don’t receive cinephiles’ critical analysis or any sort of industry award. Who cares? The live-action kids movies of the late ’80s/early ’90s are still an arguable pinnacle of the family-film genre, and not just for their current kitsch value. Admit it: If you happen to channel-surf past the first five minutes of 1992’s “The Mighty Ducks,” you’ll drop whatever you’re doing to watch the rest.
The current crop of live-action kids’ films simply can’t compete. While I hate to be one of those snobs who yammers on about how “they just don’t make ’em like they used to,” I still can’t help but observe when the sad truth of the situation rears its ugly head. In terms of live-action kids movies, the present knee-high generation is getting utterly gypped by the likes of the Cheetah Girls, Hilary Duff and recycled Tim Allen, and anyone with young siblings, nieces or nephews must heed the call to cultural duty and start stocking their adolescent film libraries with the right stuff.
Please note: The phrase “live-action” should indicate that I don’t mean to shortchange the high-quality alternative of today’s CGI; films like “Toy Story,” “The Incredibles” and “Shrek” are all top-notch entertainment even for older age brackets. I’m talking about last summer’s kids-saving-owls “Hoot” here. And before you throw down this column in disgust at my oversight of the “Harry Potter” series, let me remind you that modern kids fantasy is so effects-heavy that it’s half-cartoon and therefore disqualified from consideration.
Fantastical kids-on-a-magic-quest epics of the ’80s, however, feature puppets and claymation to a decidedly live-action effect. “The Neverending Story” (1984), “The Goonies” (1985) and “Labyrinth” (1986) each boast visual innovation that can still surprise a modern audience – after all, muppet-magician Jim Henson directed “Labyrinth.” He makes even the stone walls of a deep well come to life.
More importantly, these films aren’t so sanitized. The rag-tag crew of “The Goonies” curses constantly and roughhouses even more, and for my money better fulfills the fantasies of its adolescent audience by actually acting like them. Today’s girls-aimed drama is especially squeaky-clean, sticking to sterile fables of princesses (or the American equivalent, presidents’ daughters): “A Cinderella Story,” “First Daughter,” “The Princess Diaries,” “Chasing Liberty,” “The Princess Diaries 2.” These probably have some set of mildly redeeming qualities. But no one can tell me they compete in any way with the old-school simplicity of honest stuff like 1995’s “Now and Then” or 1991’s “My Girl.”
Such simplicity still rings true in favorites like “The Sandlot” (1993). When was the last time a decent sports movie came out about a team at the Pee Wee level, anyway? Sports provided the primary category for kids’ movies before cheesy superspy spin-offs like “Stormbreaker,” “Agent Cody Banks” and “Spy Kids” starting dominating the screen, but today’s entries are slim pickings: “Ice Princess”? I won’t even go into on Lil’ Bow Wow’s “Like Mike.”
While sports film godfather “Karate Kid” and its sequel came out in the ’80s, it was the early ’90s that proceeded to dole out the genre in earnest. “Mighty Ducks” begat “Sandlot” begat “Rookie of the Year” (1993), still probably the only movie in memory to make me want to break my own arm (albeit to magically wind up as a major league pitcher, but still).
These films often had fun adult casts – Rick “Honey, I Shrunk the Kids” Moranis and Ed “Al Bundy” O’Neill as dueling coaches in “Little Giants” (1994), Daniel Stern as a bumbling big-league pitcher in “Rookie” (who memorably gets stuck between the two doors of an adjoining hotel suite), Emilio Estevez’s immortal Gordon Bombay in “Ducks” – but mainly, they were about the kids. The playground taunts. The fear of girls and respect for older brothers. The nicknames.
Then “Angels in the Outfield” (1994) came along and with it the beginning of the end, sticking kids back in the stands to watch the big guys play and simultaneously amping up the sports-triumph schmaltz factor to heights that “Air Bud” (1997) and its popular pun-happy sequels (“World Pup,” “Seventh-Inning Fetch”) turned into the sports-movie standard of today.
“The Santa Clause 3” made nearly $20 million dollars this past weekend. Even if you were dragged to the theater by the small child in your family, do them a lifelong favor from now on and pledge to shield his tender young eyes from such monstrous lapses in cultural taste. It’s never too early in the season to bust out 1990’s “Home Alone” – every kid deserves to take notes as Macaulay Culkin torments burglars and pizza delivery boys alike. It’s our responsibility to make the classics endure, and there’s no better way to help shape the future than by passing on the best of our past.