You’ve entered a heated room that is
full of 12 hot, hip-gyrating girls — some of them scantily
clad, some of them even braless — and you intend on getting
hot and not all bothered with them all night long. Is this some
sort of orgiastic fantasy dreamland? Maybe, but its more likely
that you’re at a bar during the second semester of senior
year.

Rebecca Ramsey

Seniors, now that I have your attention, we have less than six
weeks to get some before graduation. Gasp!

There. That should be enough to either scare you or inspire
you.

I think we all knew that this time of “get it while
it’s hot” attitude of rampant sexuality would arrive,
just not so quickly though. Amidst fears of life after college, we
may feel that we haven’t fully taken advantage of our time
here in Ann Arbor, that we have not sowed our wild oats (which a
professor had once recommended to one of my classes). So we better
accomplish our goals before we are temporarily living at home with
mom and dad — not a good location for hooking up.

This frisky mentality reminds me of one afternoon at
Greek’s last year. I, a mere junior back then, had overheard
a group of senior guys straight out of a Porky’s film:
laughing and congratulating each other on their sexual conquests,
yet still radiating with immaturity nonetheless. As they applauded
their abilities to woo girls back to their bedrooms on Tuesday,
Wednesday and Thursday evenings (they still had the weekend to look
forward to), they oh-so-cleverly patented the phrase “Senior
girls: Get ’em while they’re horny.”

To my dismay, I initially scowled and shot them an icy stare,
but then I laughed at their ignorance. One year later, however, I
am beginning to see the validity of their remarks. So far this
semester, and especially after the Spring Break bacchanal, social
life for seniors has turned into a meat market of sorts —
full of herds (some of which stampede), assorted curings (such as
tequila and vodka) and even a few whispers about issues of, ahem,
size and choice cuts. It has never been so much fun to attend this
school, right?

By now, you must have noticed that the seniors here are getting
antsy, and for good reason. Our time here remains only of a handful
of weekends, and that is the reason why more of us find ourselves
out Monday through Saturday even though we have homework and as a
result, the line at Rick’s has never been longer. To put it
bluntly, people are looking to hook up.

I’m willing to guess that many of my fellow seniors will
agree with me when I say this month marked the unofficial beginning
of a March Madness of another variety. With many a hormone still
raging after Spring Break, and with numerous sightings of tank tops
and tanned bodies, the masses have come out of hibernation. Who
cares that it semi-snowed earlier this week? The sporadic and
unexpected heat waves are all it takes to remind all of us
’tis the season for … well, anything. On that note,
let the games begin.

Similar to NCAA March Madness, the senior version here consists
of pairings, moving along to the next opponent once another has
been finished off, heated rivalries and people who are just happy
to be in the tournament itself. There is even an NIT-ish tournament
for those who did not fare so well during the past four years
(known to wannabe players as Needing Intimacy Tonight!).

Athletics aside, it is time to stop pining for that cute girl in
your Econ lecture or that mysterious guy working at the nearest
Starbucks. As corny as it sounds, we should all have that last
hurrah before we are finished here. Whether it means kissing
someone you have always been attracted to or having a threesome
with the two girls you could never decide between, a lot of you do
not want to leave here with any regrets. On a similar note, be
careful that you do not do anything in the next few weeks that you
will regret!

Those senior guys from last year had a good point: Many senior
girls are looking to have some sort of fun while we are here, and
that is the reason why so many of us frequent the bars. Maybe this
is why some often think that senior girls are horny, but are they
really complaining? Sex isn’t the only thing on our minds; we
want to enjoy these last weeks with our friends and we want to
relish this time of pseudo-security. It really isn’t a game
for us.

Some say that our college years will be the best years of our
lives. While I have had a blast here, I still like to believe that
I have a lot to look forward to (and I feel sorry for those who
consider a drunken, sloppy fling as the highlight of young
adulthood). For now, seniors, I wish you a wild and memorable time
before graduation. That cheesily said, what are you doing still
reading this? Go out and get some.

 

— Rebecca is ready to tally up points from her special
brand of March Madness bracket. Contact her at
“mailto:ramseyr@umich.edu”>ramseyr@umich.edu.

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