All good things must come to an end, so as
I sat down to write my final sex column, I thought about all of the
benefits that came along with this position. Without this stint, I
may not have known the frequency of faking orgasms or realized that
so many people really do read the Daily. To some, I probably
wouldn’t be known as “Blow-Job Girl” (a nickname
to which I will not respond, but nice try). Heck, I may not have
even received a few drinks courtesy of Rick’s.
- Rebecca Ramsey
Above all else, I now affirm that when it comes to sex, anything
goes.
Sex is unpredictable, as it should be. You should never have to
schedule time for sex, unless you are boring or seriously aroused
nightly by Jay Leno’s chin at 11:35 p.m. Therefore, one way
to keep it exciting is to keep things hot.
When sex, etc. gets boring, we lose interest and prefer rolling
over and going to bed, sans cuddling. No one wants to feel as if
their bedroom skills are putting their partner to sleep. Though
some may have their own trademark sex tips to help them stay horny,
allow me to offer some successful ideas. (Note: For those who are
nervous about trying anything too new, perhaps some new mood music
will be good enough — I highly recommend the new Usher
CD.)
Take it Outside
Like it or not, your bedroom may be killing the mood. One can
only get it on in front of sorority composites or swimsuit-model
posters so many times. By varying the site of sexual practices, the
excitement and adventure of the situation drastically increases.
Try doing it in a parked car or in a public bathroom — but
not at Touchdown’s. Avoid cliché locations like the
famed fifty-yard line, the stacks or a friend’s bed.
Hot for Teacher (Or officer, etc.)
Role-playing is one way to make your basest fantasies a reality.
You temporarily escape from your predictable personality by taking
on a new persona and performing scenarios in which you end up naked
and wanting an encore. Though it sounds silly, role-playing can be
sexy and innovative, just as long as everyone involved is engaged.
If creating plots seems difficult, it helps to know that many role
pairings cast one as a higher power or status and the other as a
more helpless character (this is not to promote nasty e-mails!).
With so many costumes and different plots to perform, boredom
should never be an issue. Some suggestions: doctor/nurse,
teacher/student, rogue knight/busty wench and shady cop/cheap
prostitute. Hugh Grant and Divine Brown? Hmm …
Become One with Debby and Ron
This is not about threesomes (Threesomes could definitely change
the mood, but satisfaction for all is not guaranteed). Pornos are
an easy way to add some spice to your sex life because, let’s
be honest, all guys have them. The possibilities are endless: You
can watch one to prep for foreplay, provide killer background music
or use as a learning tool by mimicking the numerous sex acts and
Ron Jeremy’s bad acting.
As for making your own home video, that is your own
decision.
Melts in Your Mouth
Peaches and Cream? Ah, yes … the food idea. Bringing
edible items to the bedroom definitely make things sweeter, but be
cautious about making a mess. Whipped cream and fruits are
deliciously erotic and easy to manage. Chocolate sauce, a popular
favorite, is a messier option, but nonetheless tasty. You must go
all out with the products — no fat-free, sugar-free Cool Whip
here. You want to go for indulgence and decadence here. The big
perk with using food products is that you must shower afterwards to
rid the stickiness.
Suck Me, Beautiful
A little dirty talk never hurt anyone, though it can hurt your
chances for success if your partner isn’t into it or if it
doesn’t come out smoothly. You have to actually try this one
out to see if it works, but you have to be spontaneous! Imagine
having to tell someone: “OK, when we hook up, I am going to
tell you to screw me harder.” It just doesn’t have any
cache. Talking dirty is fun and also comedic because you can try on
a new attitude, and the shock value is often a pleasure heightener.
Refrain from insulting your partner; instead, tell them how much
you like watching them perform. Kinky compliments are key.
Go it Alone
Sometimes when bedroom activity backfires you have to take
matters into your own hands. Masturbation enables us to find out
the best ways to please ourselves and what better way is there to
show our partner what we like? Often guys will admit that it is a
turn-on to watch a girl touch herself, so the sheer visual could
easily heat a blah situation. If you are willing to be a bit more
adventurous, sex toys are an option. When I hosted a sex-toy party,
my friends and I laughed when some of the vibrators were passed
around (who wouldn’t laugh at a battery-operated toy called
the “Eager Beaver?”), but our immaturity quickly waned
and a lot of money was well spent.
Certainly, there are a multitude of other ways to up the ante,
as many of you have approached me with your own fetishes and ideas.
Get creative and develop you own technique to make a night (or day)
more memorable. You never know where your dirty mind could lead
you.
— Rebecca would like to thank her readers, and she
hopes that her reign has been as good for you as it was for her.
Still wanting more? E-mail Rebecca at
“mailto:ramseyr@umich.edu”>ramseyr@umich.edu or thank her in
person — she is often spotted at Rick’s. Just look for
the one dressed as the dirty schoolgirl.