The Michigan Daily: Hey, Is Shivali there?

Random: Yes, this is she.

TMD: Hi, my name is Charles, I work for The Michigan
Daily. I would like to be the first to congratulate you on being
the inaugural random student of the year. How does that make you
feel?

R: Good I guess. Hold on (To friends, obviously confused:
“I’m the random student interview, for The Michigan Daily.”)

TMD: Do you like the wave?

R: You mean at the game? Yes I love it.

TMD: Wait, are you a freshman?

R: Yes.

TMD: Don’t you think it would be cool if everyone turned
away from the field and did the wave? You know, did away with the
whole pretense of even watching the game at all?

R: That would be awesome. I love it.

TMD: How much would you say you party?

R: On the weekends.

TMD: Do you like the night life? Do you like to
boogie?

R: Yeah I like the nightlife, it’s alright.

TMD: What do you think of the “Sports Beer?” Michelob
Ultra, you know with the commercials of people playing basketball
and then kicking back a couple of cold ones.

R: I don’t think I’ve ever seen that one.

TMD: Do you think they make you more athletic or less
athletic?

R: Hmm … It doesn’t really affect me at all.

TMD: Would you pity me if I told you I got dunked on by a
drunk guy?

R: A little bit. Not too much

TMD: Pity away. Have you ever read “The Great
Gatsby?”

R: No, I haven’t. I was never made to read it.

TMD: Fitzgerald wrote that large parties are more
intimate than small parties, do you agree?

R: Thinking. I don’t think so.

TMD: What’s the most evil thing you’ve ever done?

R: Oh no … (muttering in the background). Talking on
the phone and not letting my roommate read, as in right now. (Voice
in the background: “Hang up the phone.”)

Random hangs up. Apparently freshmen do not yet appreciate the
Random Student Interview. Poor, poor girl. Unphased, our hero
reaches out to touch another life.

TMD: Hi is Miljana there?

R: Yes, this is she.

TMD: Would you like to be part of The Michigan Daily’s
Random Student Interview?

R: Yes. You made my day!

TMD: Great. In terms of outerwear, what do you think of
baby blue on baby blue?

R: I think it is (sound of disgust) bad. It belongs in
like GAP kids or something. Especially if I saw it on a boy. I’d
have to go over there and rip it off. Not in that way.

TMD: Under what circumstances is it appropriate to dust
off your friend’s shoulder?

R: I guess if she had a stray hair on it. Is this some
expression that I’m not familiar with?

TMD: Yes.

R: I’m never going to date anyone on this campus
again.

TMD: What’s your prediction for this week’s football
game?

R: I think we are going to win.

TMD: Can you name anyone who plays for Notre Dame?

R: Oh, God don’t ask me things like that. No.

TMD: So, what you’re saying is your prediction has no
relevant factual basis?

R: Not really. It is basically based on what happened
last weekend. But my instincts are usually right.

TMD: What celebrity would you compare yourself to?

R: Probably Sandra Bullock.

TMD: Why? Is there some connection that unites the two of
you?

R: Because I make an ass out of myself all the time.

TMD: If you could be one animal, what would you be?

R: I think I’d want to be … oh that’s a tough one. Hmmm
… God, I think I’d want to be like a lion or something. You’d be
loud and everyone is scared of you, but you’d be pretty and have
power.

TMD: Do you believe that the Wolverine is the
pound-per-pound fiercest animal in the animal kingdom?

R: Well, compared to other Big Ten mascots, yes. But
compared to other ones, I’m not sure.

TMD: What about Roy Jones Jr.?

R: What about him? I just know he died recently.

TMD: He didn’t die; he’s the pound-for-pound greatest
boxer in the world.

R: No he died, recently (Editor’s note: Roy Jones Jr. is
still alive).

TMD: What is the order of appearance by rappers in the
critically acclaimed hit “Shake ya Tailfeatha?”

R: I think P. Diddy, and then Ja Rule. I don’t think Ja
Rule is in it, but I know P. Diddy is definitely in it.

TMD: Ja Rule is not in it. The correct answer is Nelly, P
Diddy and then Murphy Lee.

TMD: If you could have anyone sing at your next birthday
party, who would you choose?

R: I’d have Jurassic 5 come.

TMD: Would you describe the Lions and Tigers as a)
hapless or b) moribund?

R: Oh, God. Does that matter? I guess hapless. I don’t
know.,

TMD: Do you think ruthful is a word?

R: As in supposedly the opposite of ruthless? No, I don’t
think so.

TMD: You’re wrong.

R: It is? I thought it was a trick question.

TMD: Who is your favorite cartoon character?

R: I’d probably say Mighty Mouse. Wait, what were the
ones who had the snorkel?

TMD: I have no idea what you are talking about.

R: Okay.

TMD: Do you think Dilbert could kick game at the
Powerpuff Girls?

R: Oh yeah, there are so many of them.

TMD: All three at the same time?

R: No, I feel like he would go after one of them and she
would pass him on to one of her friends.

TMD: Which one would he go after?

R: Well, of course, he would go after the blonde first,
but he’d probably end up with the one with brown hair.

TMD: What if he had Dogbert there?

R: He’ll get him too.

TMD: That’s sick. On that note, it has been a pleasure
talking to you, look for this in the inaugural Weekend Magazine of
the year this Thursday, page 2.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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