The Michigan Daily: Hello, Kelly, my name is Charles. I’m
from The Michigan Daily and you’ve been selected for the
Random Student Interview. Would you like to participate?

Random: Hell yeah!

TMD: What are you doing right now?

R: I’m in class. We are having a little party.

TMD: How drunk are you right now?

R: I’m sobering up. I just listened to the most
boring lecture, and it put me to sleep. Then I woke up.

TMD: And how drunk do you hope to be?

R: Extremely, very much. So much green beer that I see
green. My line for tonight is going to be “Can I shamrock
your world?” What would you do if I said that to you?

TMD: Yes. On to the important stuff, what country was St.
Patrick from?

R: Ireland. No, that’s a lie. No, France? No,
Germany? France?

TMD: Actually, it was Scotland.

R: I knew it wasn’t Ireland.

TMD: Which is more sexual, the Blarney Stone or the May
Pole?

R: The May Pole. People dance around it.

TMD: Does the knowledge that you have to kiss the Blarney
Stone change your answer?

R: I’d kiss the Blarney Stone and I hear that
people pee on it.

TMD: Do green M&M’s really make you horny?

R: Yes.

TMD: That’s too much information. If you were going
to steal Lucky Charms, which would you take first and how would you
avoid being caught?

R: Like the cereal? If I was to open the box? I’d
just take a handful and run like hell.

TMD: Sure. Who do you think will win the NCAA
Tournament?

R: Kentucky, obviously.

TMD: I agree. I’ll have to test your knowledge of
the tournament to see if you know what you are talking about.

TMD: Who is the No. 1 seed in the East Region?

R: In the East … Duke? No it’s not Duke
… Kentucky?

TMD: Actually there is no East Region any more, but in
the East Rutherford Region the No. 1 seed is St. Joseph’s.
What is the definition of a ray-up?

R: It’s where you dribble to the hoop and use one
hand. It is a two-point shot.

TMD: Are you sure you aren’t thinking of a
lay-up?

R: I don’t know.

TMD: The last team into the field of 64 was Florida
A&M, the Famoo Rattlers as it were. What do you think about
them changing their name to the Famoo Shamoos?

R: I would completely wear a sweatshirt that said that if
they changed their name.

TMD: If you would have to describe yourself as one type
of animal in bed, what would it be?

R: A cat, because I’m snuggly like a cat. Can I cut
this out and give this to the people I have slept with and see if
they agree or not?

TMD: Sure. Would you have sex with Olaf the Finnish Dwarf
from Zoolander?

R: He’s a dwarf?

TMD: Yes.

R: No.

TMD: Why not? He’s a celebrity.

R: I have standards.

TMD: Ideal three-way includes you and who else?

R: My GSI from my history class last semester and
… what are you doing tomorrow night?

TMD: OK, replace me with St. Patrick; would you still do
it?

R: Yes?

TMD: On a similar note, what do you think of pink being
the new black?

R: No, red is the new black.

TMD: Is pink from the streets?

R: The singer?

TMD: No, the color.

R: Yeah, I guess so.

TMD: If new Jay-Z is Young Hov, is Old Jay-Z Old Hov? And
if so, how is Young Hov older than Old Hov? 10 seconds, go!

R: Um … Umm. Is the answer Chingy?

TMD: No. Would you support the Brooklyn Lords of
Flatbush?

R: Yes.

TMD: Would you wear their sweatshirts?

R: Only if they made them hoodies. I don’t like
wearing hoodies. I think they are mom sweatshirts.

TMD: Everybody knows that there is a pot of gold at the
end of the rainbow. My question is, if all that glitters
isn’t gold, name one other thing that glitters?

R: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.

TMD: I’m sorry, Mariah Carey was the answer I was
looking for.

R: That was my second choice. Can I still answer
that?

TMD: Speaking of New Yorkers, who would win in a fight,
Larry David or Larry Brown?

R: Larry Brown.

TMD: What about in making tournament picks?

R: Larry Brown.

TMD: And who would he pick to win?

R: Kentucky.

TMD: I guess I’ll have to call Larry then
won’t I? Well, you’ve been horrible. Thanks for your
help and have a happy St. Patty’s Day. Look for this on Page
2 of tomorrow’s Weekend Magazine.

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