The Michigan Daily: Hello, Kelly, my name is Charles. I’m
from The Michigan Daily and you’ve been selected for the
Random Student Interview. Would you like to participate?
Random: Hell yeah!
TMD: What are you doing right now?
R: I’m in class. We are having a little party.
TMD: How drunk are you right now?
R: I’m sobering up. I just listened to the most
boring lecture, and it put me to sleep. Then I woke up.
TMD: And how drunk do you hope to be?
R: Extremely, very much. So much green beer that I see
green. My line for tonight is going to be “Can I shamrock
your world?” What would you do if I said that to you?
TMD: Yes. On to the important stuff, what country was St.
R: Ireland. No, that’s a lie. No, France? No,
TMD: Actually, it was Scotland.
R: I knew it wasn’t Ireland.
TMD: Which is more sexual, the Blarney Stone or the May
R: The May Pole. People dance around it.
TMD: Does the knowledge that you have to kiss the Blarney
Stone change your answer?
R: I’d kiss the Blarney Stone and I hear that
people pee on it.
TMD: Do green M&M’s really make you horny?
TMD: That’s too much information. If you were going
to steal Lucky Charms, which would you take first and how would you
avoid being caught?
R: Like the cereal? If I was to open the box? I’d
just take a handful and run like hell.
TMD: Sure. Who do you think will win the NCAA
R: Kentucky, obviously.
TMD: I agree. I’ll have to test your knowledge of
the tournament to see if you know what you are talking about.
TMD: Who is the No. 1 seed in the East Region?
R: In the East … Duke? No it’s not Duke
TMD: Actually there is no East Region any more, but in
the East Rutherford Region the No. 1 seed is St. Joseph’s.
What is the definition of a ray-up?
R: It’s where you dribble to the hoop and use one
hand. It is a two-point shot.
TMD: Are you sure you aren’t thinking of a
R: I don’t know.
TMD: The last team into the field of 64 was Florida
A&M, the Famoo Rattlers as it were. What do you think about
them changing their name to the Famoo Shamoos?
R: I would completely wear a sweatshirt that said that if
they changed their name.
TMD: If you would have to describe yourself as one type
of animal in bed, what would it be?
R: A cat, because I’m snuggly like a cat. Can I cut
this out and give this to the people I have slept with and see if
they agree or not?
TMD: Sure. Would you have sex with Olaf the Finnish Dwarf
R: He’s a dwarf?
TMD: Why not? He’s a celebrity.
R: I have standards.
TMD: Ideal three-way includes you and who else?
R: My GSI from my history class last semester and
… what are you doing tomorrow night?
TMD: OK, replace me with St. Patrick; would you still do
TMD: On a similar note, what do you think of pink being
the new black?
R: No, red is the new black.
TMD: Is pink from the streets?
R: The singer?
TMD: No, the color.
R: Yeah, I guess so.
TMD: If new Jay-Z is Young Hov, is Old Jay-Z Old Hov? And
if so, how is Young Hov older than Old Hov? 10 seconds, go!
R: Um … Umm. Is the answer Chingy?
TMD: No. Would you support the Brooklyn Lords of
TMD: Would you wear their sweatshirts?
R: Only if they made them hoodies. I don’t like
wearing hoodies. I think they are mom sweatshirts.
TMD: Everybody knows that there is a pot of gold at the
end of the rainbow. My question is, if all that glitters
isn’t gold, name one other thing that glitters?
R: Diamonds are a girl’s best friend.
TMD: I’m sorry, Mariah Carey was the answer I was
R: That was my second choice. Can I still answer
TMD: Speaking of New Yorkers, who would win in a fight,
Larry David or Larry Brown?
R: Larry Brown.
TMD: What about in making tournament picks?
R: Larry Brown.
TMD: And who would he pick to win?
TMD: I guess I’ll have to call Larry then
won’t I? Well, you’ve been horrible. Thanks for your
help and have a happy St. Patty’s Day. Look for this on Page
2 of tomorrow’s Weekend Magazine.