The Michigan Daily: Hey, this is the Michigan Daily. Do
you want to do the random student interview?
Random: Sure.
TMD: So the Markley flu, what’s the deal with
that?
R: I think it’s kind of ridiculous that everyone is
freaking out about it so much, it’s just the flu.
TMD: Why is it spreading so fast?
R: Because people are sharing things …
TMD: Have you heard the Paris Hilton theory?
R: No, I haven’t
TMD: Well, some people say Paris is just being a
trash-bag and spreading it all around.
R: She’s being the trash bag spreading it
around?
TMD: Yeah.
R: No, I haven’t.
TMD: Who’s more trashy: Paris Hilton or Courtney
Love?
R: Courtney Love.
TMD: Why’s that?
R: Just look at her!
TMD: Have you been served in recent weeks?
R: Served?
TMD: Like “You Got Served,” have you been
served?
R: No.
TMD: Who’s going to be in Playboy first? Pink or
Carol Moseley Braun?
R: Pink.
TMD: Who’s more attractive, your dad or Dennis
Kucinich?
R: My dad.
TMD: Good call. What’s the weirdest thing
you’ve ever gotten for Valentine’s Day?
R: Me? I’ve never gotten anything
TMD: Awww. Would you ever give a nerdy guy a chance for
Valentine’s day?
R: Yeah … If he was nice.
TMD: If he asked a lot of questions?
R: A lot of questions?
TMD: Yeah, you don’t really know him, he sits
behind you in class. Would you ever give that guy a chance?
R: I guess … to be honest, probably not.
It’d be weird.
TMD: Cause he’d be stalking you?
R: Absolutely.
TMD: So what about the John Mayer fan club? You want
in?
R: I like John Mayer; I’d join it.
TMD: Cool. Me too. What’s the worst band alive?
R: Ummmmm … Fountains of Wayne
TMD: Who sucked the most at the Grammy’s?
R: I didn’t think anyone was bad.
TMD: What about George Clinton? He looked pretty cracked
out.
R: Oh, Christina Aguilera … she was bad. I really
didn’t like her.
TMD: Do you think she could be spreading the Markley
virus?
R: Actually, she probably could be.
TMD: So if we are going to have a triple threat slut
match between Christina, Courtney Love and Paris Hilton.
R: I’d still have to say Courtney Love.
TMD: Wow, that’s the mark of a champion.
What’s the most erotic cereal served in the dining halls?
R: Erotic?
TMD: You heard me.
R: I gotta think of what they have … maybe Lucky
Charms.
TMD: Do you just think Irish people are really
attractive?
R: I haven’t really thought of that. They are
attractive but I mean the cereal … it’s got all that
sweet stuff and flavors.
TMD: What’s the more romantic Valentine’s Day
song — “Back That Ass Up” or “My
Pony?”
R: “Back That Ass Up,” I guess
TMD: Who’s your favorite band?
R: I don’t know, maybe the Beatles
TMD: How about that Yoko Ono; she’s a buzzkill.
R: Kinda, but at the Grammy’s she was so
touching.
TMD: Alrighty then, well thanks a lot. Make sure to get
served pretty soon.
R: Bye.