The Michigan Daily: Hi, is Meredith there?

Random: This is.

TMD: Have you ever won anything before?

R: No.

TMD: Well, tonight is your lucky night. Out of 40,000 students in the campus community, you have won the chance to be randomly interviewed for The Michigan Daily! How does that make you feel?

R: Oh, it makes me feel so good except that when you called I stuck myself with a pin.

TMD: That”s too bad. How did that happen?

R: I”m sewing.

TMD: What are you sewing?

R: Fixing a sweater to wear to school tomorrow.

TMD: Well, I”m making a teepee and I couldn”t get the sewing machine to work. But let”s get down to business with this interview. What is your gender?

R: I”m a girl

TMD: What is your height and weight?

R: 5-foot-4, 130 lbs.

TMD: Have you ever dated someone shorter than yourself?

R: No, I haven”t.

TMD: What did you do over Winter Break?

R: I went to Buffalo and hung out in Ann Arbor because I live here. And my break was cut short because I”m student teaching. And then I went skiing too.

TMD: Did you go home and spend time with your parents?

R: Yes, I did.

TMD: How much did you spend on gifts for your parents?

R: About a $100 together.

TMD: Do your parents measure how much they love you by how much you spend?

R: No.

TMD: Do you ever feel pressured to spend more money on Christmas gifts than you are able or want to spend?

R: No.

TMD: Wow, you”re insulated from the advertising barrage. Do you celebrate the New Year as most Americans, on Jan. 1, or do you like the Chinese New Year?

R: No, I do it in January. I like January 1, but I”ve actually never thought about it before.

TMD: Do you have any hopes for the New Year?

R: I don”t want to say anything because this is going to be printed.

TMD: Oh my, it”s not like I”m going to print your last name.

R: Thanks!

TMD: No problem. So, do you have any dreams that you feel have been crushed by the weight of society?

R: That”s a heavy question. I don”t think so.

TMD: You”re pretty immune from most things.

R: I”m really a happy person actually. What is this interview for?

TMD: Hey, I”m asking the questions. Do you feel like tradition is important, even if the tradition is watching television, drinking raw eggs or killing trees to put in our homes?

R: Yes, I think it”s important. They”re fun. They bring family together.

TMD: How old were you when you stopped believing in Santa Claus?

R: Oh gosh, probably seven.

TMD: I remember I had my first doubts when my parents bought me a big Transformers creation and the toy was made in Taiwan. They said his elves had a factory there. If you have kids, do you think it would be better to tell them that Santa Claus is the one making their gifts or that they are quite likely being made by Taiwanese factory workers making $1 an hour?

R: I think Santa is definitely better. Let”s keep some innocence in the children.

TMD: What about when the adults tell them otherwise about Santa?

R: Children aren”t as smart as you and me and they can grow up to about 9 years old and then when you tell them the truth, they can start learning about other countries” ways of handling situations

TMD: Do you think that your trip home felt worthwhile?

R: Well, yeah, to see my parents and my dog.

TMD: Do you like spending time with your immediate family?

R: They”re OK.

TMD: Extended family?

R: Um, that too.

TMD: You are a happy person!

What will you remember from 2001?

R: My best friend moved.

TMD: What do you think of homeless people who yell and spit at people?

R: I think they”ve probably been through a lot of hard times and they”re probably not all there.

TMD: What do you think about students who do the same thing?

R: Probably the same thing.

TMD: Have you ever dated anyone you met over the Internet?

R: No.

TMD: What was your new year”s resolution?

R: Didn”t have one I was just going to break it anyway.

TMD: How would you feel appearing nude in front of a large group of people?

R: I don”t think I would do that. I would feel self-conscious.

TMD: What if the other people were nude too?

R: If I didn”t know them and I didn”t have to see them again, I would do it.

TMD: But you wouldn”t do it with your friends?

R: No way.

TMD: How would you feel standing in front of a camera nude?

R: Depends on who would see the pictures.

TMD: Do you know what Conjunction Junction”s function was?

R: It”s that show that came between the other shows that I never actually watched. I was always bad at spelling.

TMD: Do you know which Beatle was the Walrus?

R: I would say it was John Lennon.

TMD: Do you know which Beatle was dead?

R: No I don”t. You can”t play CDs backwards.

TMD: Good point. Although my record player didn”t have a backwards function.

R: Yeah, I don”t know how that ever worked.

TMD: You”re right.

R: You can”t play mp3s backwards either.

TMD: Are you into video games?

R: My boyfriend is.

TMD: If you bought him a gaming system, would you buy an XBox, a GameCube or Playstation 2?

R: I would buy him an XBox because he says that”s the next best thing after a PS2.

TMD: Have you ever had a mullet?

R: No.

TMD: Do you know anyone who”s ever had a mullet?

R: This kid that I knew that actually went here had one and I knew him in middle school.

TMD: Yeah, I had a sorta mullet in 5th grade. My hair was spiked and it was a little long and curly in the back.

R: I think a lot of boys did back then.

TMD: How much money would it take for you to star in a porn movie?

R: I think hmm I think that would take $10 million.

TMD: No, I think that”s OK. I once got painful, shooting diarrhea after eating the food and now I keep a healthy distance from the establishment.

R: Look, I don”t even know you. Too many details.

TMD: Duly noted. Read Weekend. and thanks for your time.

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published.