Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where we take a non-partisan look at your political decisions.
- Illustrations by Megan Mulholland
Who do you think would win in a fight?
So, this is perfect. You’re both named Kelly and one of you goes here while the other is from MSU. You’re even wearing green pants!
Kelly 2: Yeah. I had to rep my school!
OK. I won’t hold it against you since it fits the subject for this week’s interview: decisions! So, you’re both probably overwhelmed with decisions lately with the election coming up …
Kelly 1: Elections? What about med school?
Kelly 2: Yeah, and graduate school! I’m here for Prospective Student Day for the Master’s in Social Work Program.
Oh I see, you ladies have more important things …
Kelly 1: The election’s pretty important, but …
But, let’s get down to the real issues. Romney or Obama. Who would you sleep with?
Kelly 1: Obama.
And why?
Kelly 1: If he can get Michelle, he can get me.
I can follow that logic. So what about you (Kelly 2)?
Kelly 2: Well, I go for personality, and every time I look at Mitt Romney, I’m just disgusted because he’s such a douchebag, in all honesty.
Well, this is not a non-partisan interview, so by all means, feel free to be honest.
Kelly 2: And Obama’s athletic. Have you seen that man play basketball?
Yes I have. I’ve seen him play basketball with kids, which is really adorable.
Kelly 1: He played with actual pro-basketball players. Which is really cool.
I hadn’t seen that. So, who would you rather get a drink with? Let’s pretend Romney would have a drink for a second.
Kelly 1: Obama. He’d be way more interesting.
Kelly 2: Is that even a question? Obama again.
Well, I’d make the argument for getting a drink with Romney because he claims to have not had a drink before …
Kelly 2: So you want to get him really drunk and listen to his horrible political viewpoints?
Kelly 1: And I could tape it and leak it to the Internet.
Exactly. We’ve got to be strategic with our answers here. So think for a second before you answer this one. Who would you rather go to the mall with?
Kelly 2: I feel like Romney might have better taste.
Kelly 1: Romney might spend more money on me!
Good one.
Kelly 2: How old are Romney’s kids? I think they’re closer to our age. So he might know our style better.
Kelly 1: Yeah. Obama’s girls are little still.
Do you guys know how old Obama and Romney are?
Kelly 1: No.
Kelly 2: No idea.
Obama’s 51.
Kelly 2: Obama’s pretty young!
Kelly 1: That’s really young for a president.
And Romney’s 65.
Both Kellys: What?
Kelly 2: He looks good for 65.
Kelly 1: I’m glad I said I would sleep with Obama, because I’d definitely rather sleep with a 51-year-old than a 65-year-old.
Kelly 2: That’s literally my grandpa’s age right now we’re talking about.
Kelly 1: That’s a little scary.
Kelly 2: Obama’s got young kids for being that old though.
Kelly 1: But Michelle is hot.
Yeah. Michelle is hot. Would you like to work out with Michelle?
Kelly 1: Yeah! She brought all of the “Biggest Loser” contestants to the White House and worked out with them.
Kelly 2: One of my residents last year was on “The Biggest Loser!”
Kelly 1: Sorry, we’re getting off-topic.
No, it’s cool. I need to do group interviews more often. One more question, and this one is the most important. What should I get for lunch?
Kelly 1: Wendy’s.
Kelly 2: Noodles & Company is my favorite.
And just when I thought we could agree on everything. I’m going to have to go with Wendy’s. I had a bad experience at Noodles. Go Blue!
– Kelly 1 is an LSA senior and Kelly 2 is a senior at Michigan State.