So I’m with The Michigan Daily, as I said, and we’ll be doing a Random Student Interview. I tend to do Random Student Interviews when I’m not working for the Daily, so this is fun, easy and perfect for me. Except for the whole transcription thing. But whatever.
Huh?
Never mind. What’s your name and what are you doing?
Ryan, and I was studying before you started prancing around, singing, “Who wants to interview for The D?” at the top of your lungs.
Yeah, sorry not sorry about that. Tell me – do you like fall?
Fall?
The season, I mean, though I suppose the act of falling could, well …
I enjoy it, yeah, you know.
Do you like pumpkin spice lattes? Four bucks for coffee is a lot, but you know I love coffee. I love caffeine. I need caffeine.
I can tell, you look like a crackhead. I’ve seen you around before, man, I think a lot of people have. You’re always walking around the town, you know, the school – whatever, you know what I mean – and you have your iPod on and you look like Eminem or something.
But, you know, actually, I’m the real Slim Shady, so we have a paradox there. But let’s not go into that. All the other Slim Shadys, you know, are simply imitating. I used to sing that song in fourth grade. Got kicked out once for bringing in the version from lyrics.com to fourth grade class and reading them as my poetry assignment. I didn’t know what they meant, man!
Why are you telling me this?
Remember the Backstreet Boys? I thought I was one, once.
I do, sort of, but, like, that wasn’t very cool back in the day, you know?
I liked it, so it must’ve been cool. What I say goes. What I say is cool is then cool.
Do you like writing? Because most writers like to stay quiet – in quiet rooms, you know – and aren’t the talking type.
If that’s a stereotype, darling, then I break it day in and day out!
Darling? Did you just call me “darling,” dude?
Yeah, remember when I said what I say goes?
Whatever.
So what’s your favorite day of the week?
Don’t have one. Is this over yet?
Not even close! Who are you voting for on Tuesday? I’m penciling in George Washington, just to give ballot readers a laugh. They’ve had a long day. They need caffeine. Maybe even a pumpkin spice latte.
Huh? Dude, you’re trippin’!
Trip this. B. shaw. OUT.
–Ryan is an LSA junior.