Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where we run around without clothes on.

Illustrations by Jeff Zuschlag

Hey, what’s up? How are you today?

I’m good. Kind of a rough morning, what about you?

A lot of the same. I got a stupid parking ticket this morning on North Campus. Do you think I have to pay it?

Oh man, they get you every time up there! I go to the School of Art & Design and I always get them. It’s the worst. You can pay them online though. I know because I get them so frequently, it’s my homepage. I’m pretty sure I give Ann Arbor more money than the actual taxpayers.

Any special plans for Valentine’s Day?

I don’t know yet. I’m probably going to eat a lot of chocolate that I bought myself.

Are you seeing anyone special?

He’s definitely “special,” but you know, nothing special.

I wonder how he got into the University of Michigan, then. How long have you guys been together? Long enough to score some good Valentine’s Day gifts?

I wouldn’t be expecting anything radical from this guy, but I also wouldn’t turn anything down either.

What have been some of your favorite Valentine’s Day gifts that you’ve received in the past?

In the fourth grade, Cody [last name redacted] gave me two Starbursts and a tattoo necklace. It was pretty awesome.

Did you end up dating him?

No, he broke up with me like two weeks later for Jiovanna [last name redacted]. I’ll never forget it – clearly, since I remember both their full names. It really traumatized me. I stopped eating Starbursts.

Ouch. What is the worst gift you’ve ever received?

Does no gift count? One time I received a gym membership, which was weird.

I really cannot believe that. How does that even happen? Who were you seeing?

I know. There’s a story behind it, but basically I kept going to my sister’s gym as her guest and I had been abusing the privileges for weeks. She was only allowed maybe five guest passes and I think I went 15 times. So finally, after flirting with some of the guys at the front desk, they gave me a free month membership as a mock “Valentine’s Day gift” incentive.

Do you still go? Or more importantly, do you pay?

I kept going until the summer months began when they pretty much cornered me and were like “OK, this has been fun watching you run around in short shorts, but seriously, you have to start paying for a membership now or we’re gonna start kicking you out.” I was too embarrassed to go back after that, so I switched and started paying for one closer to my house.

But you weren’t embarrassed about running around in short shorts?

You do what you gotta do. It worked for a while. And it was totally worth it. (Laughs) I was, like, 17, and I thought it was cool, I guess.

Interesting. Have you heard about the Walk of Shame Shuttle?

Yeah, I saw it posted on someone’s wall on Facebook. Sounds like a great idea. I want to use it to go to breakfast or something afterwards. I think it’s pretty genius, but I don’t know if I’d actually use it or just call a friend.

It also sounds mildly unsanitary.

Yeah, I guess the driver would have to seriously wipe down the seats after each customer. Also, I wouldn’t want to be up in the morning that early to take kids home. Normally if I sleep out, I don’t stay past 8 a.m.

Well, if it’s a Friday you could just try to blend in with the kids going to class. Or you could park your car some place close to the house and drive home – barring you don’t get any parking tickets, that is.

– Samantha is an Art & Design senior.

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