Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where we travel to a mythical place called Hypothetical Land. Here, the sun is always sunny and everybody’s stepdad is from Hawaii.

Illustrations by Megan Mulholland

So, I don’t want to ask all the boring questions you’re going to get from everybody like Where are you living? What’s your number? Call me maybe? What did you do this summer? I just want to go straight to Hypothetical Land because that’s fun. What do you wish you would’ve done this summer?

Well, I wish I would’ve studied abroad.

Where would you like to study abroad?

Spain.

Spain! I’ve been there! I win!

(Laughs)

Whereabouts in Spain?

Barcelona.

Have you ever been?

No.

Have you been overseas at all?

Yeah. I’ve been to France and Italy.

So why Barcelona? Is it because it sounds so beautiful to say it with that lisp? Bar-tha-lo-na?

Yeah.

Yeah? Really? I was kidding.

No. I just really like the sun.

We’ve got the sun here! So do you think the sun is particularly wonderful in Barcelona?

Yeah. I’ve heard.

So, where’s your favorite place to vacation?

Yeah, that’s sunny too. My stepdad is from Hawaii so we go over there a lot.

Oh, I’m jealous! Way to go, Abbey’s mom!

Oh, I know!

She married that guy to make her kids happy. What if she would’ve married some guy from Milwaukee?

That would’ve been not so good.

Well, that worked out. So do you speak Spanish?

Yes.

Do you think you’d be prepared for that dialect? I heard it’s pretty different.

Yeah.

OK, confident. What would you do to prepare for a trip to Spain?

I don’t know.

Come on, we’re in Hypothetical Land! Dream a little! Would you like to rough it? Like one backpack, you against the world?

No. Probably not.

How long would you like to go? I don’t think I have the commitment for an entire semester.

Yeah, probably just the spring semester. A few weeks.

Would you get homesick?

No.

Just Hawaii-sick?

Yeah, Hawaii-sick.

So, speaking of travel, you know that the game this weekend is in Dallas?

Yeah.

Would you go if you had the chance?

Yeah.

Do you know about Isaac?

No.

Do you think Isaac is just some guy I’m talking about?

No. It’s a hurricane!

Yeah, it’s a hurricane. And it’s kind of going that direction … still want to go?

I would go. Probably.

How brave. I mean stupid. I mean brave?

I think people are pretty determined fans, so they’re still going to go.

I can see you losing interest and looking away so let me change the subject. So, what was the song of your summer?

Oh, I don’t know. I feel like “Call Me Maybe” was playing all the time.

But was that against your will?

Kind of against my will.

Yeah. What song did you actually like back?

I don’t know.

No loving relationship with a tune?

No.

You don’t have a convertible to bop around in? Your stepdad from Hawaii isn’t rich?

No. (laughs)

Let’s talk summer fashion trends. Did you like the colored pants?

I like the colored pants, but I don’t own any colored pants.

Any other trends you follow?

I like the high-waisted shorts.

Oh yeah? Getting a little retro action up in here.

Yeah.

Well, maybe you can get some colored high-waisted shorts in Hypothetical Land. Then go to Dallas. And we’ll win. Anything’s possible.

—Abbey is an LSA sophomore.

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