Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where we tell it like it is.

Illustrations by Jeff Zuschlag

What do you think about Teach for America?

I think it’s a great opportunity for students who want to get involved with teaching or any sort of social issues, and it’s a great combination of getting hands-on experience while also getting a Master’s in teaching.

Would you yourself ever want to be a teacher?

No, I hate kids.

So you don’t want kids when you’re older?

I want kids, but I’ll like my kids. I don’t want to take care of other people’s annoying kids. I have no affiliation with that.

Do you have any younger siblings or cousins?

I have two younger cousins, both of which I do not talk to and are overly academic and nerdy. But they think I’m really cool, which is fun but annoying.

What do you do on Saturdays now that there aren’t any football games?

Work. But I’m lazy so I sit on my couch until it’s time to go out again. I still eat the same amount of food that I would on a Saturday if I was drunk though.

I appreciate your honesty. When was the last time you went out on a date?

Kill me now. What’s the definition of a date? My mom took me out one over break and we went shopping and had lunch.

How about the last time you went out and chatted with a boy?

I went to Rush Street last week and chatted with a creepy MBA who was eight times my age and was way too interested in my personal life.

Ick. I hate when that happens. But then again, I’m doing the same thing – as in, being way too interested in your personal life. Are you active on campus?

I go to the Business School and back.

What about the facilities there?

I sometimes go to the gym and use the Stepper because you get an escalated view of everyone, and there’s some good looking MBAs but then I get sweaty and then I get creepy and I always see some of my teachers there.

Who knows – maybe one of them will be at Rush Street. That’s really awkward to be working out next to your teachers. Do they flex and shit?

Yes, my one teacher from last year is so intense. He’s there for hours.

Do you like energy drinks?

Yeah, I like to feel that I’m being productive and doing something with my life when I’m on them, but really, I just feel like I’m on crack.

That’s why energy drinks are notoriously bad for you. Got any favorites?

Red Bull. Sugar-free. Gotta keep it classy and low carb.

Let’s talk about Obama coming to U of M. Did you wait in line last Thursday?

I didn’t. I just called my dad and asked if I could pay $200 for a ticket, but he said that “you don’t care that much” and “that’s what TVs are for.”

Why would you have to pay $200?

Because people who waited in line were selling them. My dad said I should’ve been one of those people who did that, like how I sold my football tickets.

People camped out that night.

It sounds like the worst thing ever. It would’ve been cool to see Obama speak about things most of us don’t know about though.

If you had to choose between being a teacher for a day or camping out for Obama, which would you choose?

Camping out for Obama, because at least I could get drunk and enjoy the experience with my friends.

– Samantha is a Business junior.

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