Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where we get random and crazy, like I am all the time.

Illustrations by Nolan Loh

What’s your name?

Sam.

Tell me about yourself.

I’m a freshman at the University of Michigan and I’m –

That’s good. Can you name five Bruce Springsteen songs?

No.

Do you know who Bruce Springsteen is?

No.

Fail. Do you find me crazy?

Yes, a little.

Do you think this is a strange process?

I don’t know what you’re getting at.

I don’t know what I’m getting at, either. So what are you studying?

Computer science, engineering, math and econ. That’s what I really want to study.

You have three majors?

Computer science will, well, you know, be like a minor or something.

I like computers.

Cool, you’re probably better at them than me.

Wrong. Do you like Bill Gates?

Uh, he’s good. Yeah.

Are you smarter than him?

Nope, uh, no.

Are you going to be richer than him?

Uh, I don’t know. No. Probably not?

What was the first question I asked you?

Um, what’s my name?

C-minus. Have a nice day.

– Sam is an LSA freshman.

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