Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where there’s plenty of alcohol, porn and illegal activity.

Illustrations by Jeff Zuschlag

What are you doing on Saturdays now that there aren’t any football games?

Well most Saturdays I sleep in, head to the gym for an hour or two, and then I’ll do some work before going out – usually dinner with some friends and then out to some clubs or bars.

You actually go to the gym! You literally look like you have the metabolism of a 4th grader.

(Laughs) Every day!

I’m impressed. But um, why do you smell like alcohol?

‘Cause I’ve been drinking, duh.

On a Thursday at 1 p.m.? Getting into the game early, I see. I like where your head’s at. Got any more?

It helps me talk more in my discussion class.

Then I’m not surprised you’re agreeing to talk to me now.

I’m totally messing with you. I just used some mouthwash and Purell-ed my hands. It’s a deadly combo.

Touché. Do you have a hot date or something?

More like I just came from a really gross one.

Ew. Although I’d normally not ask you this, because truly I don’t think I want to know, this is the RSI … so … what happened?

(Laughs) It wasn’t really a date. More like a conversation that included bad breath and hand germs.

Oh, a “conversation?” That’s what we’re calling it, OK. What do you think of this whole SOPA situation?

To be honest, I can’t say that I am fully aware of every single stipulation within the legislation.

Yeah, um, me either. That’s why I’m asking you. That was a very eloquent answer, by the way.

But I can certainly say that I am not in favor of it. In general, I am against government censorship. People describe these “slippery slopes,” and I think censoring the Internet can send us falling.

Well, what if you like to watch porn?

Then you should have every right to do that. Recently, there have been issues with X-rated material being watched in public, which I think can be regulated, but if someone wants to watch porn in the privacy of their own home, the government should have no right to tell them no.

I completely agree. It’s no different than streaming Netflix to your computer. What about illegally downloading music?

I don’t illegally download music. With YouTube, it’s all free anyway.

You’re a better person than I am. I illegally download music all the time.

I just don’t see a reason to.

I don’t want to pay iTunes for it.

I don’t pay iTunes for it; I just watch it on YouTube.

Ah, but what happens when you leave your computer?

If I love a song enough, I’ll pay for it, so I can put it on my iPod.

YouTube is like your taste tester.

I guess. The 30-second clip that iTunes gives you is kind of stupid. I can see the whole thing somewhere else.

It’s so stupid. It doesn’t even give you the good parts of the song.

Yeah, I think it’s more to make sure you’re buying the song you want.

I think you’re right, my B. Well, hopefully you’ll still be allowed to watch porn considering your date didn’t work out.

– Jake is an LSA sophomore.

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