Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where people can kind of be downers.

Illustrations by Jeff Zuschlag

Hey, what’s up? How is your Super Tuesday?

Um, I don’t think that makes sense.

Well, it’s Tuesday. And it’s super.

I’m pretty sure it happened like a month ago. But when it did, I didn’t really care about it.

Yeah, I’m not one for politics either.

Clearly, I can tell because you have no idea what Super Tuesday is.

OK, I’ll take the jab. Anything bothering you today?

My lecture hall smells like pickles. It was really hot at the bar last night and I was trying to get down on it. And you’re currently in the way of me going to the bathroom.

Oh, that’s it?

I’m hungover. All I want is Zingerman’s.

All I ever want is Zingerman’s. What sandwich do you get?

I get some kind of fancy Reuben with that bombtastic Russian. It practically melts in your mouth. They have to hook me up with an old pickle. None of that cucumber crap, or else.

Sounds pretty delicious. Are you enjoying this nice weather?

Well, it sucks because I’m swamped with way too much class. In every single one I’ve tried to get my professor to teach it outside, but that’s never going to happen. When there are nice days, we should have things like snow days and cancel class. I’d rather sit in class during a snowstorm than have to be inside on a great day.

OK, that’s fair. But what would you have done if you didn’t have so much class?

Well, I think it’s really funny when you see people throwing Frisbees in the Diag. It looks so college and I like to make fun of them. Like, “Dude, get another original activity.”

I’d personally go to the Arb and go for a hike or something. Or sometimes I like to just sit on my steps and play good music and see who stops by. Or, you know, walk to Zingerman’s.

That sounds like the perfect day. I’d love a good walk in the Arb.

I lived in Markley freshman year, so I’ve always had a weird connection to it. We used to go there to shadily drink and not get caught. Now I just go to walk and be alone or to enjoy a nice day. It’s really the best place. There’s a path where I feel like I’m in the movie “Signs” and I chill there for a while.

Would you ever start an “Arb Lovers” group on campus?

That makes me sound like a treehugger.

(Laughs) Yeah, I guess you’re right.

Also, I don’t want people stomping around my special places, you know?

I get that. I like to go to weird places on campus and be alone also. But it’s weird how I only go when it’s nice out.

Well, who wants to sit alone outside when it’s cold?

You have a point there. OK, don’t want to interrupt your bathroom break any longer, although I think you’ve sufficiently killed enough lecture time. I’m surprised you haven’t just left.

No, I can’t just get up and leave. That would be rude. You’ve got to return sometime.

Hm, twisted logic.

– Cory is a Public Policy sophomore.

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