Welcome to the Random Student Interview, a brief Q&A session about the true path to salvation in an age of blasphemy and nihilism. Today, however, with the year drawing to a close, we will continue the long-held Daily tradition of polling students about their favorite article of the semester.
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What was your favorite Daily article of the semester?
Excuse me?
There have been a lot, so it’s understandable if you can’t pick —
I don’t read the Daily.
You know, the Daily called out Andrew Shirvell before Anderson Cooper.
Who’s that?
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What was your favorite Daily article of the semester?
Um … sorry, I don’t read it.
But where do you get your news about campus, or Michigan sports?
Michigan sports aren’t newsworthy right now, man.
(Shaking head) Yeah, what is these days, what with the decline of journalistic integrity.
A lot of stuff is newsworthy, I just don’t read the Daily when I want news.
You look like a Yahoo! kind of guy.
Uh, sure.
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What was your favorite Daily article of the semester?
(On phone) What?
What did you like best about The Michigan Daily this fall?
(Walks away)
(Aggressively) Oh, OK! What’s more important?
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What was your favorite Daily article of the semester?
Oh … let’s see … sports…
That was a good article.
(Laughs) No. Oh! It was the one about Denard Robinson.
Yes! Finally. That was a good one, wasn’t it?
I loved it.
Do you think he’ll make the NBA, though?
You mean the NFL?
You’re talking about Denard Robinson the basketball player, right?
Do you know anything about Michigan sports?
Usually I write opinion articles. I’m sure they’d let me write for sports, though.
Yeah … I don’t know about that.
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What was your favorite Daily article of the semester?
What’s the Daily?
The Michigan Daily … the top publication on campus … do you enjoy being facetious?
What’s facetious?
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So what Daily article did you like the best this fall?
Sorry, I don’t —
You don’t read the Daily?
(Laughs) No.
You don’t read anything, do you?
(Stops laughing) No.
Maybe you should.
No, I don’t not read anything.
Maybe you shouldn’t use double negatives.
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Could you please share your favorite Daily article of the semester?
I don’t think I’ve read the Daily since freshman year.
Well how do you keep informed about the University?
I like the Every Three Weekly.
Oh boy, here we go. Just what’s so great about the Every Three Weekly?
Uh, it’s funny.
The Daily is funny!
The Daily is not funny.
Look, if I wanted to read the Every Three Weekly I’d just read The Onion.
Well, if I wanted to read the Daily …actually, I don’t think I’d ever want to read the Daily.
Good one.
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Excuse me, you read the Daily, right?
Sorry.
Jesus.
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What was your favorite Daily article of the semester?
Oh … well, I like the crime notes. Or I do the crossword sometimes.
But what about the hard-hitting journalism, or the compelling feature stories?
(Laughs) I kinda skip those.
So you enjoy crime and meaningless puzzles. Nice.
Well, the crime notes are funny.
Violence and theft are humorous?
The headlines are.
How repugnant.
Excuse me?
I said “How redundant.”
That doesn’t make sense.
Since you just get the police reports e-mailed to you anyway.
Um …
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Hi, can you tell me what you liked best about The Michigan Daily this semester? Any favorite articles? Videos?
Special investigations?
Nope.
No? Are you sure?
No.
No you’re not sure or no you didn’t like any?
I don’t read the Daily. I read The Michigan Review.
Oh for the love of — OK. It was nice talking to you. I’m done.