Welcome to the Random Student Interview, where the line between journalistic integrity and personal boundaries becomes blurred. How was your Valentine’s Day, first of all?

Sweet.

Yeah? What’d you do with your girlfriend?

Uh I took her out to dinner. And then … yeah.

Where did you guys go to dinner?

China Gate.

China Gate?

Yeah.

OK. What did you guys eat?

Some Chinese food.

All right. Like what?

I don’t even remember man.

Were you drunk?

Uh, no I wasn’t drunk.

Did you black out?

No I just don’t remember.

Really?

Yeah, I think it was like chicken or beef.

Is dinner with your girlfriend unmemorable, or just like …

I mean it’s memorable, but like I just remember me and her not like — it’s not important what the food is, it’s only important about the girl.

Oh that’s nice.

Yeah.

That’s cute. How long have you guys known each other?

I don’t know, like about a year.

Where do you think you’ll be going for future Valentine’s Day dinners?

I don’t know. Wherever.

A man of many words.

Wherever I want.

So shifting gears a little bit, what about spring break. What are your plans?

I’m about to kick it in Ann Arbor.

Really?

Yeah.

No desire to go anywhere else?

It’s sweet here.

You like cold, frigid temperatures?

Yeah.

What are you going to do over break? Hit the books?

Definitely hit the books. School’s number one.

Is it?

Yeah.

What’s number two, and what’s number three?

What’s number two? Um number two is my lovely girlfriend, and number three is for all my homies.

All your homies?

Yeah.

What do you and your homies stand for?

We stand for scholars, leaders, athletes and gentlemen.

Scholars, athletes, leaders and gentlemen?

No, scholars, leaders, athletes, gentlemen.

SLAG?

Yeah.

Do you guys toss SLAG around? Like bump fists and it’s like “SLAG”?

No, it’s not SLAG. It doesn’t like — it’s just like what we stand for.

Is SLAG in the Maize Pages? Like is this a student organization?

No it’s just like …

No mass meetings or anything?

No.

I apologize it’s getting late. So what do you think about the Grammys? I heard Lady Gaga came out of an egg.

She came out of an egg? I didn’t know that. I can’t believe she came out of an egg.

I can’t either!

She’s a — I don’t even know.

Who did you want to win Best Album?

Dude I have no idea.

Do you know anything?

I don’t even know what the Grammys are.

You don’t what the Grammys are?

No, to be honest.

OK.

I’ve never heard of them.

Are you at all connected to popular culture?

Uh no, not too much.

What are you passionate about?

Um … my school work.

Oh yeah, because of scholars. It’s the first letter in SLAG.

Well it’s not SLAG, it’s just … yeah.

OK. Last question. Obama unveiled a budget — a $3.7 trillion budget — how do you think the budget will affect Little Caesars’ $5 large pizza promotion?

I think the government fucks us all. It’ll probably be a $10 pizza because the government fucking sucks.

OK. You don’t think Obama likes pizza?

Dude, Obama doesn’t even like America.

OK. We’ll draw the line there.

—George is an LSA freshman

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