Welcome to the Random Student interview, where the line between journalistic integrity and personal boundaries becomes blurred.

What are your Valentine’s Day plans?

Probably going to hang out with my girlfriend.

You have a girlfriend?

I do.

How long have you been dating?

About a little over two months.

OK. How did you guys meet?

Uh we met on the snowboard club.

Very cool. Very cool.

In Canada.

Is she a better snowboarder than you?

Uh no, I don’t think so.

So it’s good to be cocky?

Uh, I think so.

OK. What are you going to do for your girlfriend?

Um it’s in the process, things are getting figured out.

The process?

Yeah it’s a process.

Sounds like you’re going to kidnap her.

Uh no, I’m not going to kidnap her. Maybe. Special kidnap. It’s being worked out in my head.

Are you a presents guy or a date guy?

A date guy.

OK. So like, roller derby, laser light show, what kind of date?

Probably dinner.

Dinner?

I’m very simple.

Probably dress up in a tuxedo.

What’s your idea of dressing up?

A plaid tuxedo.

Where do you get that?

Salvation Army. Salvation Army has a large stock of tuxedos.

Really?

They’re brilliant.

What size are you?

Medium. Medium and a half.

What size is your girlfriend?

I’m not sure.

Doe she wear a tuxedo too to these dates or do you change it up?

Gosh it’s in the making. I don’t know.

You don’t know? Does this girlfriend exist?

Yeah she does.

Sounds like she’s a blueprint in your head.

No I just really haven’t thought of plans yet. Dinner is planned. The plan.

Do you think Valentine’s Day is kind of a Hallmark holiday or do you embrace it with open arms?

I think Hallmark is a pretty good way to talk about Valentine’s Day.

Have you thought about going to Egypt for Valentine’s Day?

No. Why would I think that?

There’s a lot of crowds over there. I think there’s a concert going on.

Concert?

Something going on.

Who’s playing?

I don’t know.

What’s his name?

Norah Jones? Might be. I don’t know there’s a ton of people over there.

There’s a big guy over there they’re all kind of surrounding.

Really? What’s his name?

He’s ….

Denzel Washington?

Pharaoh. The Egyptian pharaoh.

Wow, they’re getting up in their pharaoh count. A lot of pharaohs. Last few questions. Did you see “Inception?”

I have not. Is it good?

I’m not going to tell you. Have you seen “Toy Story 3?”

I have not.

Damn.

Not even “Social Network.”

Not even “The Social Network?” So you don’t plan on watching the Academy Awards?

I guess not. It wouldn’t be worth much to me.

Who’s your best picture nominee for the year?

I have no clue. I’m not up on …

Last question: Am I dreaming? Because this is a great interview. Am I dreaming?

Is that a philosophical question? Are we living in the matrix right now? Is this all just a dream?

Is that your best picture nomination — “The Matrix?”

Yes.

— Brand is an LSA Junior

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