Welcome to the random student interview, where sex strikes are shockingly ineffective.

Hey there young man, I notice you’re quite clean-shaven. Why aren’t you participating in the famed No-Shave November?

I like to stay casual during the school year.

Would you like it more if everyone called it Novembeard?

No. I wouldn’t say that.

Are you against it for political reasons? It’s obviously a misogynistic holiday that only males can participate in effectively.

It better be.

It better be?

It better be. I don’t want to see ladies with facial hair.

Well, do you think ladies should be shaving their facial hair?

Waxing. I’m all for waxing.

Have you ever waxed anything?

No. I wouldn’t do it.

What about those eyebrows?

I’d consider plucking them, but there’s a line to be drawn.

All right. What about shaving right down the middle of your forehead there?

I’m not coordinated enough to do that.

Do you think No-Shave November would be over with if women banded together and stopped shaving their legs?

No. No, that’d be kind of like a sex strike, but I don’t think they work.

Why do you find sex strikes to be so ineffective?

Yeah, I don’t think anyone can stick to them.

What’s a more effective kind of strike?

There really isn’t an effective kind of strike, in my opinion.

So I’m guessing you’re not much for the power of the masses. Do you advocate organizations of any sort? What are your thoughts on the Occupy Wall Street movement?

Well, I advocate organizations, but they’re not really organized.

What about flash mobs?

Flash mobs? That’d catch my eye.

So back to occupying. What percent are you?

I’d say I’m in the 69th percent of the 99 percent.

OK. Where does that put you?

I guess that’d just put me at middle class but almost upper middle class.

So if you were to organize your peers, what would you protest right now?

Ohio State. They’re a horrible university.

Wow. So here’s something you feel strongly about. Let’s take this opportunity to make some predictions about the game this Saturday. What do you think is going to happen? Let’s put some Monopoly money down on this.

All right. Well, I’ll put $100 down on us winning. We’ll win by 21. Ohio State is just coming off a loss. They’re not doing good this year. Fickell is obviously a bad coach. They’re looking for a new one. So, they’re looking to wrap up their season, while we’re looking to go even farther in our season.

Yeah. Find me after the game Saturday, and we’ll see if you’re right. Do you have any plans for the short Thanksgiving break?

Yeah, I’m going home for a couple days.

What kind of ride do you have at home?

It’s a ’96 F-150.

Nice. What do you think about pedestrians having the right-of-way?

Well, as a student here, I believe pedestrians should be allowed to cross whenever and wherever. They can walk out, run out, casually moonwalk …

OK. What are you going to do over break?

Probably go see my girlfriend, who I love very much. I don’t get to see her that often.

Well have fun with your little lady in your pick-up. I hope she hasn’t been participating in No-Shave November. Or worse, gone on a sex strike.

— Patrick is an Engineering freshman

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