Welcome to the random student interview, where we hold one student hostage for four minutes for your enjoyment.

Do you have a minute?

How long is this minute really?

Oh, you caught me. I actually need four minutes.

OK that’s fine.

Great thanks. First off, do I have any chocolate on my face?

No.

Teeth?

No.

Thanks. So, did you go trick-or-treating last night?

No I did not.

Why not?

Well, my friends and I already went out all weekend, and I didn’t want to wear my costume again.

Where do you live?

West Quad.

Where do you plan on living next year?

Not sure.

Not sure? Or has no one asked to live with you? It’s OK, you can tell me.

I really haven’t thought about it.

OK. Well, just an insider’s note here, people tend to pair up by early November. And it’s November so…

OK. Well I’ll probably live in a dorm.

What dorm? Do you aspire as high as to live in North Quad?

No.

Pretty fond of West Quad?

Yeah. It’s fine with me.

How you you like your roommate?

Not bad.

Medium well?

He’s not my best friend but…

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve heard about that’s happened between roommates in the dorms?

Like involving me?

No. Just the weirdest story. I’m sure there’s something floating out there.

Oh. Like does it have to be appropriate?

I don’t really care. Preferably inappropriate.

So, one of my friends, well they’re both my friends, one had a girl spend the night with him and apparently the other one woke up and heard them having sex while he was in the room.

Oh. That’s very Jersey Shore of him.

He didn’t say anything, but I bet that was horrible for him.

Awkward. So are you 18?

Yes.

Are you registered to vote?

Yes.

Do you plan on voting Nov. 2?

No.

Why not? Those campaigns about voting being sexy must not be working. Is it because there isn’t a presidential race this year?

Yeah, it’s kind of an off year. I haven’t voted yet, and it isn’t really high up on my list of things to do. My dad is really into politics. He’s trying to rub it off on me.

Do you think anyone has ever gotten laid for voting?

I’m sure it’s happened, but I don’t know.

Do you think it’s appropriate to call voting sexy?

Umm, it’s kind of weird.

Weird. Well, if getting laid and your dad can’t get you to vote, I’m not going to try. What would your voting slogan be if you gave a damn?

Umm… “Vote for what you want.”

Even if that means not voting at all. That’s pretty good. Very free attitude. What’s your favorite snack?

Flaming Hot Cheetos.

Oh. Spicy. So it’s been four minutes. You’re free to go.

Thanks.

–Austin is an LSA freshman

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